Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary December 27 to 29 2005

Tuesday December 27 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Im at Aunt Lizzies! Im writing this on paper and then putting it
on computer later cuz I dont have a computer here. Becky
picked up Laura and me so were all here and guess who else
is here? Flower! Its good cuz then Laura can get to know her
and Becky can know her better.

Laura really likes horses of course so we all went riding! Becky
and Flower have ridden at Aunt Lizzies b4 but Laura hasnt. I
got to ride Del whos Margo and Sonnys palomino stallion. If u
dont know theyre Aunt Lizzies next door neighbors. Most
stallions r wild but Del is sweet.

Flower asked me if Laura was a nudist but I told her shes not.
Its weird cuz all the rest of us r. But thats ok Laura u can be
what u want I still love u! :) Aunt Lizzie has lots of nudist photos
and nude paintings around but I dont think they bothered
Laura any.

We talked a lot about Wicca! Of course Becky and I r Wiccan
and Laura is too. Aunt Lizzie and Flower arent but theyre
interested which is cool cuz Flower is Baptist.

I also talked about Herbie. Aunt Lizzie really likes him of course
everybody does. But she thinks I should start dating guys cuz I
have to get it out of my system! lol Really she said until I date
more guys I cant really know what I want. Lauras not dating
anybody and of course Flower likes Bobbie! We were teasing
her and we said Flower why dont u just admit Bobbie is ur
boyfriend? She said she doesnt have a boyfriend and doesnt
want one but we know she does! lol

later

Laura is a lot less worried than she used to be so that is totally
kewl! She even let Aunt Lizzie give her a massage even though
she kept a sheet on. Aunt Lizzies really good at giving
massages. Oh and we all made dinner together which was fun.
Aunt Lizzie uses all natural ingredients of course. Margo,
Sonny, and their kids Sammy and Brian came over. Margo said
they could have helped make dinner but they couldnt get their
boys away from their X Box 360! lol Sammy is 9 and Brians 7.

There were too many of us to all sleep together of course.
Flower and I let Laura and Becky use the bed in the guest
room. I wish I could get all my friends together. We want to
have a big party the next time Laura is here so everybody can
be together. Maybe we can do it during spring break but I dont
know when that is.

Wednesday December 28 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

We were going to see a movie but we couldnt decide what to
see! Its weird cuz Becky and I both see R rated movies. Of
course we see XXX but not in theaters. Becky can with her fake
ID but I cant! lol Laura can see R and NC 17 too cuz shes 17
1/2 too but her Daddy Luke doesnt want her seeing more than
PG 13. But Flowers 11 1/2 and her parents dont want her even
seeing PG 13! Becky was talking about seeing Syriana and I
was like Becky! Cuz of course its rated R. Becky was trying to
talk Flower into seeing a PG 13 but Flower wouldnt do it. I
wanted to see Dreamer which is PG and of course I love
horses. But everybody already saw it but me! I might have to
see it on DVD. I want to see Memoirs of a Geisha but Im seeing
that with Mindy. Anyway we finally decided to see Cheaper by
the Dozen II which was a cute movie. We thought it was funny
cuz of course we all babysit. But we never had to take care of
that many kids! lol

I didnt want to say goodbye to Laura. :( I wish she could go to
the timeshare with me. We didnt even get to finish her webpage
but well do that later online. Its crazy cuz Becky took me back
and then Ill be here tomorrow and then Friday Im going to the
timeshare. Its like Im never home!

Oh and Beckys not going cuz shes doing something with
Hunter. But guess what she said? She said she thinks she
wants to start dating other guys! I think its cuz of what Aunt
Lizzie said. Hunters cool but really shes been with him for a
long time.

Ok Becky wants me off computer! Were going to use the cuzzi.
Tomorrow Ill see Herbie and then were going to Cassies and I
think Lindas going too.

later

I had to explain some things to Becky again! I am not bi Becky
and I am not ready to share a double dildo! LMAO And Im not
ready to smoke bud either! She wants me to smoke it at
Cassies. Really I know its not bad for u if u only do it a little and
I am curious. Becky and Cassie smoke it and so does Aunt
Lizzie of course. She even smokes it with a cop! I think I know
which one but she wont tell me. She says half the cops smoke
bud and the other half deny it! lol I might smoke it sometime but
Im just not ready for it. Really Becky said she didnt like bud
very much b4 but now she says it helps her relax.

Ok Becky says I have to tell u we played with our toys! LMAO I
guess u know what kind of toys I mean. :) She wants me to use
Mr. XXXmas but Im sorry Becky hes too big! lol I like Mr. Ballistic
hes six inches. She likes vibrators but really theyre too much
stimulation for me. I like something thats more natural and Mr.
Ballstic looks and feels real! Oh Becky said but I need to get an
attachment for him which means a guy! lol

Thursday December 29 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today was totally weird! Nothing weird happened at my cuzins.
But then Becky, Hunter, Linda, Sharma, and me went to
Cassies. Linda and Sharma were arguing about what
happened Christmas and really I dont even think it was
important. Then we get to Cassies and Cassies not even there!
At least Micky was. But then we waited for her like forever!

Really its weird being at Cassie and Mickys cuz of the
webcams. But I made sure the bathroom cam was turned off b4
I went in there! lol

Micky asked if we wanted to smoke bud and Becky said “sure”
and I was like Becky! Cuz I straight up wasnt ready for that.
Sharma and Hunter wanted to but Linda didnt so I talked a lot
to Linda. Really I couldnt get high cuz I had to drive!

It was weird cuz Linda and I used to hang together a lot. But
now we dont so it was what do we talk about? We just talked
about school and our families. Really I learned things about my
old school friends that I dont even see much anymore. I miss
my old friends. :( I really should see them more.

Then this was funny cuz we started watching Cassies outtakes.
It wasnt really put together it was just a lot of clips that they
didnt use. Some of it was just like scenes from her movies so I
dont know why they didnt use them. But some were funny!
There was this one where the guy was getting too excited and
he said Cassies real name! lol So they couldnt use that. If u
dont know she uses a pseudonym for her movies. Then in this
other scene they tried to get this guy to come three times and
he just wouldnt cum! lol Its funny cuz I saw that movie and in
the movie it doesnt look like he had to try at all. Usually the
guys can come on cue but this time he couldnt! Its different for
a girl cuz nobody can tell if ur coming or not. A lot of times its
faked but sometimes Cassie has real orgasms.

Finally we waited long enough for Cassie to show up so we
were going to leave. So Micky gave me Cassies Christmas
present which was a couple of her movies. I saw one of them
b4 but not the other one cuz its the last one thats finished.
They taped one after it but its not ready to sell yet cuz they
have to edit it. Hunter wants to go to a taping but really I
thought he already did. Of course Becky has. I might go to one
when I turn 18 but I dont know. It might be too weird watching
one of my friends doing it with an audience! lol

Anyway right as we were leaving Cassie showed up! So we
stayed and talked to her and she had good news. Her family let
her visit for Christmas! Yay! Micky knew of course but she didnt
tell me cuz Cassie wanted to. If u dont know Cassies family
moved cuz they got pissed after they found out about her
movies. Lindsey wasnt pissed of course but their parents were.
Its sad cuz Lindseys 14 1/2 already and she almost never gets
to see her sister! Of course their parents dont know Lindsey
taped Cassies first XXX movie like a year and a half ago. That
was amateur of course. Cassie did it with Nelson who was her
boyfriend then.

Then I went to see Herbie. I was feeling all mixed up about
everything. Jude was there when I got there so I got to see him.
Hes a really good dancer I hope I can see their dance concert.
The next one Ill see is the one at my college thats next month.

Anyway guess what? Jude said Miss Lawless still remembers
me isnt that kewl? If u dont know she was my dance teacher at
my old high school but only for like a month b4 I moved. That
was the beginning of 10th grade.

So then I said something about how I hadnt seen Dreamer yet
and guess what Herbie said? He asked me if I wanted to go with
him! I thought it was cool but then I felt nervous! I was thinking
would this be a date? So then I asked Jude if he wanted to go
too. But he said he couldnt. So then I said Stacy might want to
go I dont know why I said that. I guess I was just nervous about
being alone with Herbie! Then Herbie said Stacy was with Carie
so I said maybe they could both go! I really dont think thats
what Herbie wanted but he said ok.

So we called but Stacy said she and Carie were with Jarissa so
I said see if she can go too! So thats what we did. I was really
glad Herbie wasnt pissed! So he drove and I rode shotgun and
the girls all sat in the back. I didnt know if we could get seats
together at the movie but we could cuz it wasnt crowded. But
the girls wanted to sit by themselves anyway. So I was thinking I
asked them to go so it wouldnt seem like a date. But with them
sitting six rows in front of us it was almost like a date anyway! I
had a Diet Coke and Herbie had an Orange and we shared a
popcorn. I really liked the movie it was great! And of course I
like Dakota Fanning. Shes just a year younger than Stacy and
Carie theyre both 12 and Jarissa is 13. But Dakotas been
acting since she was like 6.

Guess what Stacy said? She said Herbie is thinking about
being in a play! He said he wasnt sure but I said u should do it
Herbie! Cuz hes a really good magician and thats a lot like
being an actor. And he totally knows movies.

I talked to Lena and Miss Sasha of course. I really like Herbies
whole family.

Anyway finally I had to go back. But Herbie said hed take me!
And again I felt nervous. But then I thought why am I nervous?
Cuz he driven me lots of times. But he hasnt driven me
anywhere alone since I stopped being his girlfriend. We talked
about a lot of things but then finally we got back. Of course
Herbie knows I live in the antique store.

So Herbie and I were just talking in the car with the engine still
running. I didnt say anything cuz I really didnt want him to go!
But then he said did I mind if he turned off the engine and I said
of course not. So we just talked. Then I thought what if I asked
him to come in? And that was so weird. Cuz Ive never been
alone with a guy in my apartment! I knew I could totally trust
Herbie cuz of course weve been alone b4. And I though why
couldnt I ask him? But then I thought maybe I shouldnt cuz it
would be late when he got back. He doesnt like driving after
dark by himself and it was already dark.

Then this was really weird but I thought what if I told him he
could spend the night there! I cant believe I even thought that! I
know Herbie wouldnt try anything. He could sleep in my bed
and I could use a sleeping bag. Really hed probably let me
have the bed but still. Id be totally alone with a guy in my
bedroom!

But I didnt say anything. Then he said he should let me go in.
And I just said “I guess.” Then we just sat there. Then finally I
said “goodnight Herbie” and I gave him a hug and he hugged
me back. Then he just looked at me and said “I miss u Lorien.”
And I said “I miss u Herbie.” I almost called him boo baby! And
he just looked at me and I kept looking at him.

Then I cant believe I said this. But I said “can I give u a kiss
goodnight?” And he said “ok.” So I gave him a little kiss on the
lips. But I didnt want to stop! It was so weird! So our lips were
touching like way longer than a peck! But then finally I said I
had to go and he said ok. But then he said did I want him to
walk me to my door? And I said “no” like really fast! I dont know
why. Then I just said “thats ok. You can wait til I go in if u want.”
But then we gave each other another hug! I dont even know
who started it.

So then I went to the door and unlocked it. I waved goodbye
and he waved and then I went in.

But then I felt like I wanted to run back out and say “Boo baby
stay with me!” I really did. It was so weird! But he left. So I just
wrote my diary and watched TV and couldnt go to sleep. I kept
thinking about Herbie! Finally I went to bed. I had to get sleep
cuz I was going to Uncle Oz timeshare in the morning.

I am really confused! Do I want to go back with Herbie? Or do I
need to be free? I really dont know!