Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary December 24 to 26 2005

Saturday December 24 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Becky, Hunter and I saw Herbie, Miss Sasha, Stacy, and Stacys
best friend Carie who I used to babysit. Its weird cuz I still think
of them as kids but theyre both 12 which is older than Flower!
Of course I dont get to see them very often anymore.

If u dont know Herbie and I broke up August 6 after being
boyfriend and girlfriend for two years. But were still great
friends. I just wanted to be by myself for awhile. But when I saw
Herbie he hugged me and kept hugging me! Even Hunter was
teasing us about it!

I really wanted to date other guys but I havent really dated
anybody but Deno and that was just a couple times. Its like who
do I want to date? I thought something might happen with Allen
but of course it didnt. All he did was French kiss me a little but
then the next time I saw him he was totally all over Becky not
me.

And then I thought about Ella and Johnnie. Its weird writing
about it cuz I see Ella all the time and I only met Johnnie once
but Johnnie reads this and Ella doesnt. So its like what I can
write? But I guess I can tell u Ella is talking a lot about Johnnie
cuz of course he already knows that. Wendi and I both liked
him too. I really should hang with Ella and Wendi more.

Anyway Becky said we should see a movie together! I mean
Becky, Hunter, Herbie, and me. Of course we used to double
date a lot. I didnt know what to say but I looked at Herbie and
guess what he said? He just said “ok!” Just like that! And it was
so weird cuz Herbie asks me permission for everything!
Sometimes he even asked if he could kiss me when we were
together but not all the time of course. I think that was just at
first like when we were in public or something. But this time he
didnt even ask me he just said “ok!” I dont know why but it
seemed sexy. So I just said “ok” too!

We saw King Kong. Herbie sat on the left, then me, then
Hunter, then Becky. It was a good movie but Im not even going
to talk about that. What was weird was it was like part of the
time I almost forgot Herbie wasnt my boyfriend anymore! It was
like it used to be. We even had popcorn and I had a Diet Coke
and he had a Sprite. One time we both reached for the
popcorn at the same time and I almost held his hand!

Then after the movie Becky wanted us to park! And I was like
Becky its not even dark yet and Herbie and I arent together
right now. But then Becky said it looks like ur together to me!
But I straight up didnt know what to say.

Then when they dropped me off at my cuzins I didnt know what
to do! It was really weird cuz I wanted Herbie to kiss me! And I
dont mean just a peck. ;) But I was like why do I feel this way?
Cuz I was the one who wanted to break up! Anyway he didnt
kiss me like that he just gave me a peck.

I am really feeling confused! Do I want to go back with Herbie?

Then something else weird happened. I was supposed to go
back right away cuz Benny and Brandy were coming and of
course I was spending Christmas Eve with them. But then
Daddy was like why couldnt I stay there for Christmas Eve? And
really I should have planned that! Cuz I could have spent
Christmas Eve with Daddy and my cuzins and then Christmas
Day with Mommy and Matthew and Benny and Brandy and
everybody. I dont know why I didnt think of that! But anyway I
said I wanted to stay but I had to go back cuz we had plans. So
Nolan took me back and Darby rode with us. I wish I could get
everybody together for Christmas.

later

I got a surprise but Ill tell u later.

At first for Christmas Eve we had Page, Perry, Mommy,
Matthew, Aunt Ebee, Uncle Frankie, and me thats it! Benny and
Brandy called cuz they had trouble getting here. They finally
did but it was like 11 oclock at night! But still I was really glad to
see them even though a lot of ppl already went to bed. And
guess who was with them? Uncle Oz! So that was a cool
surprise! He didnt stay long he went to Aunt Lizzies but well see
him tomorrow. I almost told him he could spend the night at my
crib but I didnt want to make him sleep on the floor. Really he
could have slept in my bed and I could have slept on the floor
which I wouldnt mind. But I think he wanted to see Aunt Lizzie
anyway.

More good news is Lauras here! I didnt get to see her yet but I
will. Shes going to spend the night with me but we dont know
which night yet. Abbie wasnt here tonight but he will be
tomorrow, and other ppl might come by.

I hope Mommy and Daddy arent still separated next year. I
really want them to get back together. But if they dont I think Ill
spend Christmas Eve with Mommy and Christmas with Daddy
and my cuzins. Of course Daddy might not be living there
anymore. Hes talking about getting his own place. Really I dont
know why he hasnt already. But I guess its cheaper this way
and my cuzins dont mind.

Sunday December 25 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

MeRrY cHrIsTmAs!

It was fun seeing Matthew get totally excited about Santa
Claus! Of course Santa left him presents and he left me
presents too! lol I wish I was with Matthew when he saw Santa
at the store. Why didnt Mommy do it earlier when I was here? Ill
have to see it next year.

Mommy has to work tonight but at least she got the morning off.
The same ppl were here who were here last night cept Abbie
came over. I really dont know about Abbie. Hes ok I guess but I
think Mommy spends too much time with him. Hes nice when he
talks to me so I guess hes ok. I dont know. I guess I just miss
Daddy.

But it was great having Benny and Brandy! I wish they lived
closer.

later

Ill try to make this short but I have a lot to tell u! First I know ppl
want to know about presents but Ill tell u what I got ppl first. I
like buying ppl presents but I have too many ppl to buy for!
This year I gave Denise and Nolan money so they could use it
to get something for my little cuzins cuz I straight up didnt know
what to get them. I wish I saw them more. Anyway they got toys
and clothes but I wont list everything.

I got Mommy some earrings and a Ruldoph figurine. If u dont
know she gave me the one she had for years to represent her
in my figurine collection. So now she has one back! I already
gave Daddy his of course I gave him a DVD with a Clint
Eastwood movie he likes. I gave Page and Perry a Christmas
CD which they played when I was there and I gave a different
CD to Uncle Frankie and Aunt Ebee. I gave Benny and Brandy
a Christmas CD too so I gave a lot of CDs! I gave Matthew the
movie with the superhero family but I cant remember what its
called now. He really likes superheros of course. I already told
u what I got my friends so I wont repeat it! lol

I think Matthew should be watching Mr. Rogers and Sesame
Street more cuz they could help him to talk better. Of course I
always loved Mr. Rogers when I was little. Ms. Adelman always
had me watch him when she took care of me. Its a really good
show for kids.

I really miss Ms. Adelman. Its Christmas and she was Jewish but
its also Hanukah. Ella and her Momma Carma celebrate it too
cuz of course Carmas Jewish. I really should learn more about
it. I know about lighting the candles and Hanukah is about
peace and being thankful but I dont know much more than that.
Ella gets presents for I think seven days but theyre all small.
But Holden gives her a big Christmas present! lol I have to see
Ella more. Really Im a little worried about her.

Anyway Ill tell u more about Christmas. I didnt know Uncle Oz
was going to be here yet so I told him I was sorry but Id have to
get him his present later! Its hard to know what to get for Uncle
Oz cuz he always says he doesnt need anything but love. lol So
I was going to give him a kissie but he wasnt wearing his hat
this year! He always wears a Santa hat with mistletoe on it but I
think he forgot it this year poor Uncle Oz! So we put mistletoe
over his head and gave him kissies anyway! lol

Oh and plans have changed again! I thought I was going to
Aunt Lizzies with Becky and maybe Laura and wed see Uncle
Oz there too. But right now Aunt Lizzie is at her sister Mindees
and she wont be back til later. I knew we werent going there
now but I didnt know Uncle Oz would be gone when she gets
back!

But guess where hes going? Hes got a timeshare in the desert
for New Years Eve and we can go too! But I dont know if
Mommy can get off cuz she has to work then which sucks. She
gets New Years Eve off but has to work New Years Day. And Im
not sure if Aunt Lizzie will be there or not Im totally confused!
But Benny and Brandy can go cuz Bennys through with
college! His graduation wont be til next year but hes through
with his classes. Of course Brandy wishes she still had a job
but I know shell find something. She wants to get her GED cuz
then she can make more money. Its hard not having much
money at Christmas.

later

Ok Ill finish this now that Mindys here! lol Shes leaving to see
her Aunt Hanah and Ill miss her! I thought Flower might go with
her but its too many days cuz theyll be gone like a week.
Lauras coming over here I hope she gets here soon! Really its
too late to do anything but I want her here b4 its time to go to
bed! lol It should be fun tomorrow cuz the antique store will be
closed so well be here all by ourselves!

later

Lauras here! Im so glad cuz I havent seen her in like forever. I
wish Mindy would be here longer so they could see each other
more. But of course I understand Mindys going with her family.
Oh Laura wants me to write Merry Christmas! Mindy does too.

Oh and this is weird. Every year Benny gives me a diary for
Christmas cuz he knows I keep a diary but he doesnt know I
post it online not in a book. And every year I give it to Laura
cuz she keeps hers in a book. Oh Mindy just said I gave it to
her one year cuz I didnt know where Laura was. That was so
sad! Laura wants me to tell u she had anorexia but shes fine
now she has been for a long time. If u get obsessed with ur
weight then get help dont go on a crazy diet! She ate celery
with raisins and vanilla yogurt yuck! Im sorry Laura but I dont
want to try it! lol She says it was plain yogurt but I think thats
the same thing. Ok Mindy says it isnt either so I guess it isnt! lol

Anyway Laura says u should get counseling right away if u get
really worried about ur weight. Shes 5 ft. 7 in. and she weighed
91 lbs! Now she always weighs about 111 or 112 which is still
thin but its healthy! Really she looks good. Oh and her hairs a
lot longer its over her shoulders now. Her hair used to be
longer than mine but she cut it off.

Oh and were finally going to do a section on her for my
website! I got a section for all my best friends but her but she
wanted to wait til she was here so we could do it together.
Mindys going to help too. I think Mindy and Laura would be
best friends too if Laura still lived here! At least we can email.

Ok were going to do something else then were going to bed!
Good night from Lorien, Laura, and Mindy!

later

Guess what? Laura says she was totally comfortable sleeping
with me and Mindy! Laura and I used to do cuddles all the time
b4 she moved. Thats b4 I did it with Becky and of course b4
Mindy. But Laura got really confused about her sexuality cuz of
what happened. She said she was afraid shed become a
lesbian! Of course being lesbian is cool if its natural for u. But
its not cool if ur only lesbian cuz ur afraid of guys! Im glad
Lauras ok now. It was really sweet cuz I slept on one end, then
Laura in the middle, then Mindy. So Laura even did cuddles
with Mindy! Isnt that sweet? I wish we all lived close.

later

I forgot to write my Christmas presents! lol Benny and Brandy
both gave me a figurine to represent them finally. Benny gave
me this dog figurine thats really cute. Its tawny colored and has
this dog with big floppy ears and a long tail whos happy playing
with his bone. And Brandy gave me a Pocahontas figurine. She
has long black hair of course and is wearing buckskin. She
looks like she thinking about nature and Mother Earth. Its cool
cuz Brandy never talked about being part Indian but of course
she is on Daddys side. She has light skin and her hairs been
blonde like forever. Sometimes I even forget she really has
brown hair. But shes finally recognizing her ancestry. Shes
mostly white like me but were both part Mexican and Indian too.

Benny and Brandy also gave me a diary which I gave to Mindy
cuz Laura already got one. Laura might start posting her diary
online but shes not sure. But this time was different cuz Benny
asked me am I still doing a diary? I almost told him I was going
to do it online cuz of course he doesnt know. But then I was like
I might stop posting it right b4 my 18th b-day anyway!

Ok I wont write this forever I have things to do! lol Of course Im
not really writing this on Sunday but this is what I got. I got
money and gift cards, a calendar with dolphins and whales, a
Christmas ornament with this cute black kitten with white on her
face and paws, popcorn with caramel and peanuts, a white
nightgown, Christmas cookies, this guide that helps u chose a
college but I didnt tell them I already chose three!, and a book
about Mike Myers!

Monday December 26 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I miss Mindy already! Really they were going to leave
Christmas Day but they stayed longer cuz she wanted to see
Laura isnt that sweet? But we still have to do her fantasy! I
thought I would get to change her on winter break but well have
to do it after. I never got a chance.

Laura, Mindy, and I all went shopping and got a lot of things on
sale! The day after Christmas is a great shopping day. I wont
write everything but we all got reindeer antlers and white tops
with different prints. Lauras has an elf on it and says “Don’t Toy
with Me!” lol Mindys has a snowman but I cant remember what it
says sorry Mindy! Mine has Santa on it and hes saying
“Naughty or Nice?” So I got two Santa shirts this year. I also got
a sexy red thong panty with white fur trim and a matching bra
so Ho Ho Ho! lol I dont usually get anything that spenny but it
was on sale. And Laura and Mindy told me I had to! lol

Ok I cant write this forever. Right now Laura and I r babysitting
Kimberly and Rodney. Of course Im wearing the Santa shirt
they made for me. Kimberly told me she wore the white
nightgown I got her for Christmas so Im really glad I wore the
shirt for babysitting. This is the only day Ill babysit them this
week. Kimberly and Rodney both like Laura and she likes them.
I wish Laura still lived here!

later

I finally got my plans figured out. Tomorrow Becky and I and
maybe Laura r going to Aunt Lizzies. I hope Laura can go but
shes not sure. Benny and Brandy r seeing friends or
something. Then when we go back Ill go with Becky and see
Daddy and my cuzins and my old school friends. I still cant stop
thinking about Herbie. Do I really want a boyfriend? Hes really
sweet and hes Wiccan and does things for ppl and is a great
older brother for Stacy. And he was always very sweet to me. I
wanted to be free to date for a while but Im not dating! I know I
wrote all that b4 but I have to decide what to do! I really have to
date somebody other than Deno!

Then on December 30 which is Friday Benny, Brandy, and I
and maybe Becky r going to see Uncle Oz at the timeshare! I
thought Aunt Lizzie was going too but she cant. I wish Mommy
and Matthew could go but Mommy has to work. Really thats ok
cuz shed want to bring Abbie with her anyway. I dont want to
say anything bad about Abbie but I really hope he stops dating
Mommy. Uncle Oz said somebody else might be there too but
Im not sure who.