Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary December 8 to 12 2005

Thursday December 8 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have too much to think about!

Johnnies coming to visit and I still havent figured out what to do
about that! Charlotte and her kids r moving so Ill be babysitting
at their new apartment and Im helping them move. The
semesters ending soon and I have to decide what Im going to
do on winter vacation. And my branch is becoming its own
coven so Ill have more responsiblities and Ill be leaving my old
branch. Oh and were having the ceremony on January 13 or
14 I cant remember but its the weekend. And Ill have to decide
what college Im going to. Theres just too much to think about!
Oh and Mindys coming over tonight and we got something to
decide too! Plus theres the whole thing with Becky and
Germana! There is straight up too much happening right now! I
need a break! I might just do nothing all winter break!

later

I have to tell u what happened with Mindy! It was really special.
First we had dinner with her family while I washed clothes. Then
we came over here to my apartment. We just talked and then
we visited some of the adult baby websites. I just said I was
curious but Mindy figured out what I was up to! lol

Then I said “ok Mindy r u ready to be my baby now?” Cuz of
course thats what she wanted to do. But she said “I dont know
if Im ready.” But I said “Im ready come on Tinkie!” So I took her
by the hand. First we went in the bathroom and I put her hair in
pigtails with little pink ribbons cuz thats what she wore a lot
when she was little. She wanted to help but I said “did u help ur
Mama when u were a baby?” And she said “no.” So I said “ur
not helping me either, Tinkie.” And she just said “ok Mommy.” It
was so cute!

Then I washed her face and washed off all her makeup. Mindy
doesnt wear a lot just a little. But she didnt wear it when she
was a baby! I was going to change her into the clothes we
picked out for her but she wanted to do it herself. I said “did u
dress urself when u were a baby?” She said “no. But I want to
be dressed that way when we start.” Then she said “r u sure u
want to do this?” And I said “of course Tinkie!” So she went in
the bathroom to change. She was in there for a long time I think
she was nervous! I hoped she wouldnt change her mind! But
then finally she came out.

She was wearing this top thats pink with white in front it almost
looks like it has a white bib. But the back and sleeves were
pink. And it had Hello Kitty on the white part. She still had her
hair in the pigtails with pink ribbons of course and she was
sucking on her purple pacifier. Oh and she had on fuzzy pink
slippers. But in between her top and her slippers she was
wearing a white diaper! She looked so cute!

So first I just hugged her and said “I love u Tinkie!” And she
said “I love u Mommy” it was so sweet! So we just go in bed and
did cuddles. Oh I wore my long white nightshirt that has pink
trim and the pink panther. So Mindy and I matched.

But I knew what Mindy really wanted me to do was change her
diaper! She didnt want to poop in them she just wanted to pee.
But then I was like what if she pees in her diaper and its not on
her tight? Cuz Mindys changed diapers b4 of course but its not
the same if u do it on urself! So then I was thinking what do I
do? Cuz I really didnt want to get my bed wet! Usually for
babies u use a plastic sheet underneath in case of leaks. But
of course I didnt have one. But I was worried about Mindys
diaper!

But then I thought Im her Mommy of course I can check her
diaper! Doh! So I just said “Tinkie, Mommy wants to check your
diaper.” But then Mindy kind of shook her head a little like she
didnt want me to! Then I thought maybe she doesnt want me to
check it cuz shes already peed! And maybe then she got too
embarrassed. So I didnt know what to do.

But then I just said “its ok, Tinkie, Mommy just wants to check
her little baby.” But then she whispered to me “I didnt do
anything.” So I just said “thats ok Mommy wants to check to
make sure ur diaper is on good.” So she let me do that! Really I
think it was fine but I got the tabs a little bit tighter. So then I
said “ur diaper is fine now Tinkie. U can use it any time u want.”
Really I was a little bit worried about leaks. But I thought her
diaper was on really good and Id be changing her right away.

But Mindy whispered “I cant do it.” So I said “thats ok Tinkie.”
Cuz really it was. Its her fantasy so she should be able to do
what she wants. So I just held her and we did cuddles.

But then I had an idea. I said “Mindy, even if ur diapers not
really wet I could still change it for u.” But she said “no
Mommy.” Then she said “Im sorry.” And I said “dont be sorry
Tinkie! Mommy is just happy to have her little baby lying with
her. U dont have to do anything u dont want to do, Tinkie.”
Then she just hugged me it was really sweet. Then after a while
she fell asleep! She looks so cute when shes sleeping. I just
looked at her and thought about how much I love her. Im
getting teary eyed just writing this!

Then later I fell asleep. Really we went to bed early cuz we
wanted to have time. But then I woke u and her head was right
against my breast. Of course I was wearing my nightshirt. Then
I noticed her hand was against me too! I like when she holds
me like that it feels really special. Then her eyes opened. So I
said “is Mommys baby hungry?” And she just nodded her head.
So I pulled down my nightgown until my breasts were showing.
Theyre small of course but Tinkie likes them! My sandstone
nipples were totally erect! Then Mindy moved her sweet little
head to my left breast and started sucking. I love it when she
suckles me! It feels really nice just like she was my baby again.
I wish I could remember our past lives together but I can only
remember this one. But this ones beautiful!

Anyway then we fell asleep again. It was a special night!

Friday December 9 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Mindy and I took a shower together I wish I had a bathtub! And
really my showers so small its a little crowded for two ppl. But
thats ok. I thought she might want to use her diaper but she
didnt.

Deno was asking me what I was doing for winter vacation and I
said I dont know. I think he wants to do something with me. I
wanted to see Chronicles of Narnia and I almost asked him if he
wanted to go! But I didnt. Germanas family went I guess I could
have gone with them I dont know why I didnt. I like going to
premieres but really I should start going on the cheap days
again. I buy my own clothes and makeup and have my cell
phone and the Internet to pay for. I wish I was still getting
Internet for free but at least I got a faster connection. And I
have to get a new computer! My computer was old when Benny
gave it to me and that was like years ago! I hope we can see
Benny and Brandy for Christmas. I dont know if theyre coming
here or were going up there. Really Id like to go there cuz then
I could visit Bennys college cuz of course I applied there. I want
to see the one thats close to the beach too. Maybe I should
see if I can go with Mindys family cuz I think when they go there
theyll go by the college. Really I want to go with Mindy anyway I
just dont know if I can cuz I dont know what our plans r. Ill
spend some time with Daddy and my cuzins of course and then
I can see Becky and Herbie and Cassie and my old friends.
Some of them I havent seen in like forever!

I really dont like living my myself. Sometimes I do but sometimes
I dont. It gets really lonely here sometimes. Of course I have Mr
Biggles but thats not the same of course. But I dont want to
move into Page and Perrys cuz theres not enough room and it
gets crazy there anyway. And I dont want to move back with
Daddy and my cuzins cuz its totally too crowded there. And I
really cant move anywhere else I cant afford my own
apartment. Even with a roommate it would cost too much. I only
make like $150 a month. I used to make a lot more I wish I still
did. And Im trying to save for college but its hard. I hope I get a
big scholarship! I wish my grades were better. They were really
good last quarter but they arent usually that good.

Saturday December 10 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

We got Charlotte and Kimberly and Rodney totally moved! But
Kimberly was driving me crazy I wanted to spank her butt! I dont
know what her problem is.

I cant believe we did it all in one day especially with Kimberly
causing problems! Really they did part of it last night. Tyne and
Nixie couldnt help today but Mr. and Mrs. Opland helped a little.
And Mindy and Luce and Uncle Frankie helped a lot! Its cool
cuz Uncle Frankie doesnt even know them very well but he
moves stuff all the time for the antique store so hes used to it.
He doesnt look strong but he is! Theyre in the same apartment
complex they used to live in but its a different apartment. This
one is downstairs and its close to my old apartment. Of course
Mindy lives next door to the apartments so thats kewl. It will
make babysitting a lot easier!

I didnt see the ppl who live in my old apartment but Mindy
knows them of course. Mindy knows everybody! lol Id like to
meet them sometime.

Oh and this was funny but Kim did not want any guy moving her
dresser cuz she was afraid they might see her underwear! She
never cared about that b4 she got her period. And she was
telling everybody how to carry everything even Uncle Frankie!
And I was like Kimberly Uncle Frankie moves things all the time
hes done it for like years! And then she got mad and said she
wasnt going to move! I have to talk to that girl. And then
Rodney started causing problems too he got in big trouble! He
threw a temper tantrum like he was a little kid! Hes 8 1/2 years
old hes too old to be throwing tantrums! And usually he acts
really good.

Mindy said she thinks its cuz theyve had to move so much
maybe thats true. And I think Kim is still worried that she hasnt
had another period even though I told her thats normal after ur
first one. Its not predictable til later. I really want to do more to
help them but its hard! I hope everybody just chills for awhile! lol

Mindys excited about the Christmas concert and Im going of
course. A lot of her friends r so thats kewl. I think theyre playing
during assembly but I might see them at night. Theyre really
good. If u dont know she plays flute in the orchestra.

Sunday December 11 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today is a day for making decisions!

Heres some things I decided. Really these are like New Years
Resolutions but Im planning them early this year!

First I really liked what I did with Becky and Germana but Im
straight up not ready to do it again. It can change ur friendship
it can even make it worse. I think Becky and Germana r going
to do something together again but thats ok it can work for
them. Theres something else Id like to do with a girl someday
but Im not doing it with one of my best friends. My friends r too
important I dont want to mess anything up.

And Im going to meet Johnnie! He cant understand why I was
afraid to meet him and really Im not afraid. He already met Ella
of course but that was really short which was my fault! I should
have drove Ella to meet him earlier. But really I couldnt cuz of
the restrictions on my drivers license but now I dont have them!
Now I can drive anybody I want.

And Im going to date! I havent dated anybody in a long time
cept for Deno. And of course b4 that Herbie was my boyfriend
for like two years. I broke up with him so I could see other ppl
and Im not seeing anybody!

And Im FINALLY going to try to get some of my poems
published! Of course I have things that will be published in our
secret book. But I mean in a magazine! I dont know why I
havent done that I wanted to for years. But every time I would
decide to do it Id change my mind. But no more changing my
mind! Harmonys going to help me and of course hes a
professional writer. Hes wanted to help me for years Im sorry
Harmony! But now I will definitely do it.

later

I wished Whitney happy birthday. I wish I saw her more but
maybe Ill see on vacation. Shes a great friend but its hard to
keep a friendship going when u moved away two years ago!

Monday December 12 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have so much to do so guess what I did today? I worked on a
Christmas letter! lol Of course I went to school and Im
babysitting too. I never do Christmas letters but Im doing one
for our website. Really its hard to know what to write! Of course
I write everything in my diary but thats too long for a letter! lol

later

Germana spent the night with me and it was cool. We talked a
lot about Wicca. Shell be initiated next month and well be our
own coven!

Germana said I didnt have to explain that I wasnt ready to do
anything more with her cuz she already read it in my diary of
course. She said she didnt think it would change our
relationship cuz shes done things with other girls even in
another country and they were still friends. But she said it can
be fun if u do something with somebody u dont know very well.
But even with a girl u might have to use protection. I dont know
how that works Ill have to find out!

But then guess what Germana said? She said maybe I should
try something with a girl the next time I go to one of Cassies
wild bangs! :o Germana wants to go too. She said she used to
have wild parties too but she doesnt anymore. Of course the
Christmas party is Saturday but that wont be wild!

And then we talked about Johnnie cuz hell be here Friday!
Germana doesnt know him but we told her about him of course.
Ella met him already but Wendi and I didnt. Im really excited
about meeting him but Im also nervous! Germana said he could
come to the party but I dont know if that will work. I have to
figure this all out! I might spend the night with Ella and Wendi
on Thursday so we can make plans.

Its weird too cuz when I met Harmony he wanted everybody to
know about it. I even had to tell Mommy and Daddy! But we
figured out a way to do it cuz he already knew Mindys Aunt
Yvette so I just said I was meeting a friend of Mindys aunt. But
Johnnie is totally different. I havent told anybody about him. Of
course my friends who read my diary know and of course Ella
and Wendi know! lol They chat with him a lot even more than
me. I know Johnnies safe cuz Ive known him online for like two
years and he already met Ella. But Im still nervous. But dont
feel bad Johnnie Im nervous cuz Im excited! lol

Then Germana said wed be going to college next year and we
might not even see each other again! And I was like of course
we will Germana! I even told her about Laura. She moved at
the beginning of eight grade and I still see her. She might even
be coming back for Christmas cuz her grandparents live here I
hope she does. I wish Germana could meet her but of course
Germana will be in Europe. Germana always thinks her friends
r going to leave her and Im like I never leave my friends! I
moved away from Becky and were still best friends. So I think
Germana felt better. She might go to college in England which
would be cool. Then I could come and visit her!