Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary November 9 to 11 2005

Wednesday November 9 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Guess what? The law against teenage girls getting an abortion
failed! Yay! It was a totally unfair law. Its like do they think that
girls arent going to have sex cuz they have to tell their parents
they need an abortion? Thats just stupid! If u dont want ur
teens to have sex u have to teach them about sex so they
know. And really theyre going to have sex no matter what u do!
But if u teach them about being responsible then they can be
responsible.

I have more good news. We got a day for our Wiccan and belly
dancing slumber party! Were doing it Thursday which is
tomorrow. I didnt think that would work but everybodys got
Friday off for Veterans Day. I think it would be kewl if everybody
stayed here! My apartment is small its only one bedroom and a
bathroom of course. It would be better with two bathrooms but if
somebody has to they can always use the one in the antique
store. My cribs in the store of course and we could use part of
that! Cuz it will be closed Thursday night.

I still dont know if we can change our full moon esbat I hope we
can! Cuz if its next Wednesday I cant go cuz I got Spanish.

But I cant wait til tomorrow!

Thursday November 10 2005

Tonight we have our sleepover and then its a three day
weekend. Yay!

later

I have to tell u about what happened tonight! Im writing this
Friday but this is what happened Thursday.

First I made a mistake and said something about our sleepover
at babysitting and Kim said she wanted to come! Shes not
Wiccan but she interested in bellydancing. I even told her its a
little like hula and of course she was a hula dancer for
Halloween. Then I was like shes not old enough. But then I
thought Austras coming and shes only 10 too! So I dont know.
But its weird. Its like Austra is one of my friends and of course
Germanas sister and shes going to be an initiate in our coven.
Shes totally mature. And Kim is acting more mature too but its
different. Anyway I wrote that b4 so Im not writing it again! But I
just said Austra would be there cuz she lives there of course.
But still. It would be kewl to teach Kim bellydancing too.

I wanted us to stay at my apartment but Germana said if we
stayed at her place we could use the hot tub. Really her place
is kewl but I thought at my crib wed be totally alone thered be
nobody else there. Mindy said we could stay in the treehouse
cuz there was only six of us. But its starting to get cold at night
even with the heater. But thats ok we had a lot of fun at
Germanas!

First let me tell u who was there. Germana of course cuz she
taught the bellydancing, then Austra, Mindy, Ella, Wendi, and
me. I wanted us to start right away but some of them wanted to
chill first so that was ok. We decided to do the Wicca part first
cuz after sitting wed feel like dancing!

If u dont know Mindy and Ella r both initiates and Germana,
Austra, and Wendi r all really close. Of course Im a full Wiccan
in my coven and a Priestess for my branch. Mindy can be a full
Wiccan in January! It has to be at least a year and a day.

Anyway I taught some of the basics of Wicca but I wont write all
that here cuz u can read it on my website! I taught some more
advanced stuff too. We even had a little ceremony and I let
Mindy do most of it which was kewl. Its good practice and she
did really good!

So then we got to practice belly dancing! Germana said the
best way to learn is to do it so thats what we did! We had to
wear something that showed our bellies so most of us wore
bikini tops or really short tops. That was almost a prob cuz
Austra asked Wendi about her cuts. Wendi says she just does
it as part of a ritual but I dont know. Anyway Germana wore one
of her outfits she wore the blue one which looks really cool.
Bellydancing is really good exercise its not just for ur belly
muscles. It helps u with coordination and with fitness through ur
whole body. When u bellydance u dance with every part of ur
body. Its really a spiritual dance.

Germana said theres different moves u can do and she
showed us some of them. But she said after u do it a lot u dont
have to think about the moves anymore u just do them. Really
thats a lot like how Miss Matthewson teaches dance. But in
dance class u have to be more exact than u do in bellydancing.
Bellydancing is more spirit and soul. But u really feel it in ur
tummy! My tummy doesnt usually undulate like that! lol Really I
didnt do it very good but Germana said thats ok. Im just a
beginner!

Ella and Wendi both said they had problems doing it but really
they did good! Mindy and I think Wendi was learning faster
than anybody! Mindy didnt think she did very good but I think
she was just nervous. And really Germana showed us some
really advanced dancing its not like we were supposed to be
able to do all of it! lol Germanas really good.

Theres something else too about bellydancing but Im not going
to tell u cuz its a surprise!

Anyway then after we decided to use the hot tub cuz thats good
to relax ur muscles. I thought we might skinnydip but Austra
was nervous doing it with everybody there so we didnt.
Germana was going to anyway cuz of course Austras her sister
so u know shes seen her naked! lol But Germana just took her
top off. I knew the other girls wanted to do that too but I didnt
want to embarrass Austra. So then I just said “Austra would it
bother u if we just took our tops off?” And then Mindy said
“Boys can do it.” And then Austra said “ok” so thats what we all
did. Austra wants to do anything boys can do! lol Really I
believe in being topfree anyway. Why should guys be able to
take their tops off and girls cant? Its just sexist.

So then we started talking about things. Mindy sat on my left,
then Wendi, Ella, Austra, and Germana. We talked about
Wicca and bellydancing and school and politics and boys and
everything! I felt a little funny talking about everything with
Austra there cuz shes only 10. If u dont know Germana and I r
17 1/2, Mindy is 14 1/2, and Ella and Wendi r both 13. But
Germana said Austra hears about everything. Germana even
tells her about things she does with boys and Im talking sex!
Really their family shares a lot they think its good to know
eveything so ur prepared. I believe that too thats one of the
Loveshade beliefs. But still!

But Austra doesnt want to ever have sex she wants to stay a
virgin. She said she wants to focus on her relationship with
Jesus and Mary. If u dont know she goes to Catholic school but
shes Wiccan too of course. She believes that the Virgin Mary is
an aspect of Goddess and really I do too. And Jesus is an
aspect of the God. A lot of Wiccans have a particular form of
Goddess and God that they are more in tune with. For me its
Artemis of course thats part of my Wiccan name. I really dont
have an aspect of God Im more in tune with maybe I should.
But u dont have to.

Anyway then Wendi said Ella should tell her masterbation
story! Ella said u mean when she caught her sister and her
sisters friend? But Wendi said she meant about Ellas lesson!
And I was like should we really be talking about this stuff with
Austra there?

But then I thought I first saw pornography when I was 6 years
old cuz my cuzin showed me. And really it didnt bother me I just
didnt know what it was. And Im 17 1/2 and Im still a virgin. So its
not like its going to make u a hoochie or something! LMAO And
really its better to learn about it from somebody wholl teach it to
u right than to just see something about on the Internet or hear
it from somebody who doesnt really know what theyre talking
about or something. Of course the Internets where Ella learned
her lesson! lol But that was a really good site it was
educational. Anyway Austra said shes always masterbated!
Germana said Austra even used to stick her hand inside the
front of her diaper! lol Really I took care of myself since I was
little even thought I didnt come. So anyway we told Austra the
story and she thought it was funny!

Then Wendi started talking about masterbating with somebody
else and I was like OMG! Cuz I knew what she was thinking!
And I was like talking about sex is ok but I am straight up not
masterbating with a 10 year old! Mindy and I do sharies all the
time of course and so do Ella and Wendi. They said it helps
them write their sexy stories together. They write them with a
guy but hes not with them when they do that! lol They write a
story and then he edits it for them later. Anyway Id like to do
sharies with all the girls as a group. Its a spirital experience its
like a sisterhood. But Austra is too young!

Ok theres something I really dont want to write about cuz
Germana reads this of course. But I dont know. Maybe it would
easier to say it if I wrote it!

Ok this is for Germana but of course anybody who reads this
can read it too! lol Thats why I use pseudonyms.

Germana said when she thinks about nudity she thinks about
sex. I think nudity is totally different than sex but thats ok. And
of course masterbation is like sex. Really some ppl think its a
kind of sex. I dont know maybe it is. It feels sexy! But anyway I
know shes bi so its like who knows what she might want to do!
Really I think shes straight she just likes to experiment. I do too
but I dont know if Im ready for that! I really like Germana shes
one of my best friends. So I dont know!

Ok Im not writing anymore about that! But dont get excited cuz
we didnt all masterbate together! lol But I miss being in a circle
like we use to do at Cassie and Lindseys b4 their family moved.
Cassie still has parties but theyre not the same. I miss the
sharing.

Then we talked about our families. Its weird cuz we all see our
families differently. Mindy feels like her family is in her and shes
in her family. Theyre all connected in a way that she said can
never break. Her family is awesome I wish my family was like
that.

Germana said her family is important but u can stay connected
even if ur far apart. She plans to travel a lot of course she
already does that. But she wants to go to Europe some time
with just her friends! Thats really cool but Im like am I ready to
do that? But she didnt talk about any plans she just mentioned
it.

Austra said something that was really sweet. She said were all
her family! Of course that meant it was huggie time! lol She
said she feels like her real family is her family, and so r the ppl
at her school, and so r Wiccans. She said everybody in the
world is a part of her family even if she doesnt know them all
yet.

Wendi said she feels like she doesnt have a real family! That is
totally sad. Her stepfather is controlling and she said her
stepbrother really isnt even like a brother. And her mom is
always thinking about Wendis stepfather instead of thinking
about Wendi whos her own daughter. Poor Wendi! Really I
think thats why she cuts herself. She only does it in patterns
but I dont know if that makes a difference. She feels like shes
living all by herself. Its weird cuz Im living all by myself but of
course I really am so thats not the same thing. I really should
spend more time with Wendi and Ella too.

Ella feels like shes not even a part of her family! Her stepsister
Susie is just 12 but she acts like shes the boss! Lilah is kewl of
course shes 8. But Ella doesnt even know her really mom and
dad! She doesnt see her real mom and shes not even sure
who her real dad is. She said her Mamma and Poppy both act
like they care about her but why didnt her real parents want
her? But I told Ella that shes really loved. Cuz I know her family
all loves her even Susie she just doesnt act like it. Shes a
cheerleader this year and thinks shes all that. But I know she
still loves Ella! Everybody loves Ella shes really sweet.

I talked about my family but I dont want to write a lot about that
cuz I write it all the time. Mommy and Daddy r separated and
Daddys living with my cuzins. My stepbrother Benny and
stepsister Brandy r married to each other and living in north
California and Daddy wont speak to them which sucks. Matthew
lives with Mommy and Page and Perry who r my grandparents
on Mommys side, and with Aunt Ebee whos Mommys little sister
and Uncle Frankie. The rest of my family is in Ohio and I never
even see my Godparents. And I live by myself in the antique
store of course. Its like my family is scattered everywhere! At
least I get to eat with Mommy and Matthew and everybody whos
close. But sometimes I feel like I really dont even have a family.
I dont think Germana and Austra know how lucky they r cept
maybe Austra knows. Im sorry Germana but u really r very
lucky! Mindys lucky but she knows it.

I guess Im lucky too. My family is all split up so thats bad. But I
have my coven and my branch and the best friends in the
world! Ok I know u probably think ur friends r the best but thats
ok. Theyre the best for u and mine r the best for me! And I
have great online friends too.

Austra said maybe wed all want to sleep together without her
cuz were older and we were like no Austra! This is a sleepover
for all of us! Shes sweet. But its weird cuz she doesnt say
things like that like shes a little girl. She just says them like
“thats they way it is and Im ok with that.” She is soo mature! I
know shes an old soul. I think shes even older than Mindy!

We talked about that. If u dont know an old soul is somebody
whos lived a lot of lifetimes. We think we know whos the oldest
and whos the youngest. I wasnt going to tell Austra I think shes
an old soul but she already knew! When somebody said they
thought she was she just said “I know.” lol Its like she knew all
the time she just didnt know if we knew! Germana doesnt think
Austra is but Im sorry Germana shes ur little sister! lol So its
going to seem different to Germana.

Anyway this is what I think and most of us think so too. The
oldest is Austra, then Mindy, then me, then Wendi or Germana
we arent sure, and then Ella. Really I think Wendi is close to
being as old as me and Germana is too. Mindy thinks Im older
than her but I know Im not. It just seems that way cuz Im three
years older than her. But Ella totally agrees shes the youngest.

Anyway so we all slept in the guest room together it was fun. It
was crowded but still fun! Really sometimes I think its more fun
when its crowded! lol

Friday November 11 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Guess what? Im going to a timeshare on Thanksgiving
weekend! Yay!

But first Ill tell u what we did today. We saw a Veterans Day
parade! I never go to parades but it was fun! Ella and Wendi
couldnt go but Mindy and I went with Germana and Austra and
their family. Most ppl just think of Veterans Day as a day off but
its really important. I dont believe in wars but still. Monica says
u can hate the war but still love the soldier. And really I think
veterans r just ppl who arent fighting anymore anyway.

Oh guess what I said? I told Vince and Monica that they have a
really cool family! I think it meant a lot to them. Monica smiled
and said “thank you I think we do too.” And Vince said “we try!”
I wish my family did things together like they do. We never go
anywhere. We dont even go on vacation!

Ok I have to tell u about the timeshare. Uncle Oz has it of
course. Ill be with my family for Thanksgiving but this starts on
the Friday after. Really I dont know who Ill be with for
Thanksgiving. Daddy and my cuzins want me to be with them
and Mommy and everybody else want me to be with them.

Anyway the ones who r going on the time share r Uncle Oz,
Aunt Lizzie, Mommy, Matthew, and me and maybe somebody
else. But thats a problem! Cuz theres only room for two and I
got three best friends! Ok I have four but I mean who live close.
And really Id like to take Ella and Wendi with me some time and
Carol too. I really dont do much with Carol anymore which is
weird cuz shes in high school with me now. But its like if ur a
senior u never see the freshmen!

Mindy and Germana and Becky will all read this and I really
want to take all three of them. So how do I choose just two?
Mindy and Germana both said it was ok if I took somebody else
and I know Becky will say that too. But I dont want to leave
anybody out!