Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary October 11 to 12 2005

Tuesday October 11 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I am finally caught up on homework thank Goddess! I have
been totally behind. But I finished something this morning right
b4 Germana picked me up for school. I wanted to be caught up
yesterday but oh well. At least Im caught up!

later

U will not believe what happened when I was babysitting
Kimberly and Rodney! I went there after Social Studies which is
what I always do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So really it was
a normal day babysitting until almost the end. Then Kimberly
went to the bathroom and she was in there for a long time.
Usually she isnt that long and I was wondering if she was up to
something. Cuz u really have to watch that girl!

So I knocked on the door and I said “what are you doing in
there Kimberly going for a swim?” And she said “I think Im
having my first period!”

And then I was like OMG! Shes only 10 years old! And she just
turned 10! Of course periods happen at all different ages mine
was at 11 1/2 and Beckys was at 13 1/2 and Mindys 14 and
hasnt had her first one yet. But 10! And then I was like no
wonder Kimberly has been thinking about sex a lot cuz she was
about to become a woman!

But then I was like why did this have to happen now? Cuz
Charlotte thats her Mommy would be home in like an hour! But
then I thought “Im a shepherdess. Im called to take care of my
sheep and Kimberlys one of my lambs.” So I just said “thats
good Kimberly!” Cuz I didnt know what else to say! And then I
said “do u have something to use for it?” And she didnt even
know what to use! She knew about tampons and pads which I
always call napkins I dont know why.

But then I was like thank Goddess I still had a napkin with me!
Cuz usually I dont carry them when my periods over which is
stupid cuz sometimes I still need one. But anyway it just ended
a couple days ago so thank Goddess I still had one! But
Charlotte uses tampons. So I said “u can use a tampon or a
pad. Ur Mommy has some tampons in the medicine cabinet and
I got a pad in my bag. So u can use either one.”

But then she said “how do I use them?” And I was like OMG!
Why didnt Charlotte tell her? Kimberly started wearing a bra
when she was 7 and shes had lap hair for a while. So why didnt
Charlotte prepare her! And then I was like what am I going to
do show her how to use one?

So I just said “if u use a tampon u have to put it inside urself.
But if u use a napkin u just stick it to ur panties.” Then she was
quiet for a while. And then she said “I guess a napkin.” And I
was thinking hurry up Charlotte get home early so I dont have
to do this! But I knew I had to be calm so Kimberly wouldnt be
upset. So I just said “do u want me to tell u how to do it or do u
want me to show u?” But she said “I dont know.” And then I said
“theres no hurry take ur time.” Cuz really I was hoping Charlotte
would show up!

But then she said “Could u please show me Lorien?” So I just
took a deep breath and said “sure Kimberly.” So then I said “Im
coming in now if ur ready.” She said “ok” so I did.

And then this was weird but really it was special. Cuz I
remembered when I had my first period and it was in the
bathroom too. Cept mine was in the morning at breakfast but
Kimberlys was in the afternoon. And I remembered how Mommy
had helped me. And now I was getting to help someone else!
So really it was special. It was almost like I was being a Mommy
for Kimberly! So then I was hoping Charlotte would be late! Cuz
I really wanted to help my little lamb become a woman!

So she was just sitting on the toilet and had her legs totally
together and her hands over her lap. Its funny cuz Kimberly is
never embarrassed about anything but she was embarrassed
then! Then I realized I didnt remember to get her a pair of clean
panties! Doh! So I asked her which ones she wanted. But she
said she didnt care. Of course I had to go to her room to do
that. When I had my first period I changed to a pair of red
panties cuz I thought that way it wouldnt show. Of course now I
wear every color on my period but I thought Kimberly might feel
more comfortable if they were red. She had her period in white
bikini panties with sky blue flowers and of course it showed in
that with no napkin! I didnt find any red ones that were clean
but I found a pair that was hot pink with red flowers so I got
those.

Then Rodney asked me “whats happening?” He was doing
homework so he didnt even know. But I straight up didnt know
what to tell him. So I just said “Kimberly isnt feeling real good
right now but shell be ok.” Then he said “is she throwing up?”
And I said “no shell be ok.”

Oh this is funny but Mindy just said Kimberly wasnt throwing up
she was growing up! lol

So I was going to put the napkin on for Kimberly but she said “I
want to do it I just want u to show me.” So I showed her how u
take of the strips that cover the tape and then stick it to the
crotch of ur panties. Then I cant believe I told her this. But I
said “the first time I did it I checked it like three times cuz I was
afraid Id get the tape backwards and pull off my lap hairs!” And
she laughed! It was so kewl to see her laugh cuz I knew I was
helping her feel comfortable. I really should joke more Im
always too serious. Oh Mindy just said Im getting better. I joke a
lot but when its something like leading an esbat I get too
serious. Its better to joke cuz it helps ppl relax.

Kimberly didnt want me to watch her put the napkin on her
panties so I turned around. But then she wanted me to check it
to make sure she did it right and she did fine! She did it just a
little crooked but I said dont worry mine go on crooked all the
time. The napkins big enough it doesnt matter. Then she
wanted me to turn around while she slid her panties on. Its
funny cuz shes never embarrassed about dressing or
undressing in front of me but she was today! But when she got
them on she wanted me to see if it looked like she did it right
and I said she did.

Kimberly didnt want me to see her blood in the toilet so she was
just going to flush it. But then she wanted me to look so see
how much blood there was! She wasnt sure if there was too
much or too little. I looked but I told her its different for different
girls. And its different different times. Sometimes I have a heavy
flow and sometimes a light flow. But I said it looked fine.

So then she checked her panties over and over again which
was funny but really thats what I did too. I didnt laugh of course
I didnt say anything. Then finally she got dressed so we went in
her room. She had a lot of questions and I was like why didnt
Charlotte tell her all this stuff already! She should have known
Kimberly could have her first period anytime! Poor Kimberly
didnt even know if she should sit on her bed on her period! But
I told her that was fine I did that all the time.

I told her that her first period is called a menarche. It means
thats shes now a woman. But then Charlotte came home! And it
was weird cuz I felt like I should let Charlotte talk to Kimberly not
me but Charlotte hadnt taught her anything! Kimberly knew
what a period was but thats it! But really I think I knew about it
cuz Ms. Adelman had taught me and that was two years b4 I
had my first period. I think its one of the last things she taught
me b4 she died. I really miss her. Really shes the main one who
raised me from when I was 2 1/2 to when I was 10. She taught
me a lot more than my Mommy or Daddy did!

Anyway Kimberly didnt leave her bedroom to tell her Mommy
she just kept listening to me! So I just kept tutoring her til
Charlotte came in. Cuz usually Im in the living room when she
comes home unless theres a problem. And then this was really
weird. I asked Kimberly if she wanted to tell her Mommy or if
she wanted me to. And she said “u tell Mommy” So I said
“Charlotte, your little girl is now a woman.” But all Charlotte said
was “Oh my God!” Thats it! She didnt say thats good or ur a
woman now or anything! And then I think she went in the
kitchen! I was like how can she do that!

And I looked at Kimberly cuz I thought shes going to be totally
upset! But she just said “whats it called?” So I told her again
about the menarche and about having periods and everything.
I even told her about ovulation! Kimberly knew a little bit about
it but not much. Its like should I be the one telling her about
ovulation? Ive talked to her about things like that a little b4 but
not enough. Shouldnt her own mother be doing that? And
really shouldnt she have told her that a long time ago?

Anyway finally Charlotte came in and I thought finally shes
going to take over. But she just listened! So that felt really
weird cuz Im telling the daughter everything and the mothers
not even talking shes just listening! So I was pissed! But then I
looked at Charlotte and she looked like shed been crying!

So then I thought poor Charlotte! Cuz really its hard on her too.
She has to accept that her daughter is growing up. And that
changes everything. Ur always mother and daughter that never
changes. But Charlotte will no longer be the mother of a little
girl. Now shes the mother of a young woman. Maybe Charlotte
will finally let Kimberly grow up. I hope so! Cuz it will happen no
matter what Charlotte does!

Then this was funny but Kimberly asked me if she could hug
me! And I was like of course! She always hugs me and Rodney
does too they even give me kissies. So its funny she would
ask! But I guess its cuz shes learning what to do as a woman.

Oh Mindy just said she knows why Kimberly wanted me to talk
to her and not Charlotte. Its cuz Ive already been teaching
Kimberly! Mindy says Ive taught her a lot but I dont know. I
guess I have! Shes my little lamb but now shes my little lady! Of
course u know I got teary eyed like ten times today!

Anyway then I didnt know what to do. So I talked to just
Charlotte and I said “maybe we could get her some new clothes
and make her a special dinner.” And Charlotte just said “ok.”
Then this I couldnt believe I told her. But I said that I knew a
Womanhood ceremony for the menarche and if Charlotte
wanted me to I could have one for Kimberly. But I dont think
Charlotte even knew what menarche meant! Of course it
means ur first period. And she said “sure that would be fine.”
But then I thought that might be a mistake cuz its a Wiccan
ceremony! And of course Charlotte and Kimberly arent Wiccan.
But Mindy thinks we can do it so it would be just for a period
and wouldnt be Wiccan. But of course thats weird cuz Mindy
hasnt had her menarche yet so usually she wouldnt go to the
ceremony! But she went when we had Carols so its ok.

Then this part sucked. Gus called and said he would be late!
And I was like we wanted to have a special dinner for Kimberly
and Gus should be there! But then Charlotte said she didnt
even feel like fixing dinner! Then we thought we could go out to
eat but then it was like what do we do with Rodney! Cuz of
course he was totally wondering what was going on. Really I
think he should know about all that but Charlotte hasnt told him
anything. Anyway Mindy said she could watch Rodney while we
went out to eat which was sad cuz I wanted Mindy to go with us.
And then I thought Charlotte wont do it cuz she doesnt want
anybody else babysitting Kimberly and Rodney. She lets Mindy
help me of course but not by herself. But she said ok!

But then Mindy said maybe Rodney could come over to their
house cuz hes friends with Raidon whos her little brother.
Really I dont think they play together much anymore but they
used to. Anyway thats what we did.

So we took Kimberly out to get new clothes but she said she
didnt want any right now! Then I knew it was cuz she just had
her first period so thats why she didnt want to put anything new
on! I should have thought of that. Anyway we got her some
napkins which of course everybody but me calls pads. She
didnt know what kind to get so she got the same kind I do but
more in her size. But it was weird cuz its like I was doing
everything Charlotte didnt know what to do!

Oh u wont believe what Kimberly wanted for dinner. Steak! She
never eats steak but this time she did. I guess its cuz shes
growing up! Really I dont eat much steak but thats ok. It was a
really good dinner and it was sweet being with Kimberly.

Anyway then I came back to my crib and Mindy was already
here. Usually I spend the night with Mindy on Thursdays but I
wanted her to be with me after everything that happened. Of
course I told her everything and now I just wrote it all! lol I
wanted to have Kimberlys Womanhood ceremony tomorrow but
I cant cuz I got Spanish. I got Pippys b-day party Saturday but
we might have Kimberlys ceremony on Sunday.

later

Mindy and I chatted with Rocky of course we chat with ppl a lot.
But guess what Rocky said? He said I should be a teacher! I
told him I didnt know if Id major in English or Psychology but he
said if I majored in English about the only thing I could do would
be a teacher. But Mindy said Id make a good teacher too! But I
dont know. If u teach u have to deal with a lot of brats! LMAO j/k

But it was weird cuz Id start to tell Rocky something and hed
know what I was going to tell him b4 I even said it! Its like hes
psychic! Hes one of Harmonys best friends of course and
Harmony does that sometimes too. But Harmonys known me for
5 1/2 years but Rockys only known me for a few months. So its
weird he can do it too! But Rockys kewl.

Oh Mindy might join my secret club! Dont ask me what it is cuz
its a secret! LMAO Its helping me cuz I always take things so
seriously and this club doesnt. It teaches u that u can joke
about serious things.

Mindy and I talked a lot about Kimberly and periods and of
course Mindy hasnt had her menarche yet. Its weird cuz
Kimberly just turned 10 and Mindys 14! But thats the way it
happens. Anyway Mindy and I did cuddles and slept together
skyclad which is so sweet. I almost thought shed be jealous of
Kimberly but shes not. She said it will happen when her bodys
ready. Its different for different ppl. And she doesnt have to
worry about it cuz she got a date for homecoming anyway! Yay
Mindy! Shes my precious little Tinkie.

Wednesday October 12 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have to decide what Im doing for homecoming! Really its like I
almost dont even want to go! And I got my SAT test and
homework for college and high school and Kimberlys ceremony
and parties to plan for and Samhain its like everythings
happening at once!

later

Everybodys talking about homecoming week but I dont even
care! And of course I keep thinking about Herbie. Really I wish I
could go with him! Its so much easier when u have a boyfriend
then u dont have to decide what to do. U already know who ur
going with.

But I dont think Im going with a date this time. We talked about
it and a lot of us r just going with friends. But of course Mindy
has a date! Germana doesnt have one and Kayla doesnt
either. They both had guys ask them but they dont want to go
with any of them! So then I was like Germana u said I should
ask somebody out why dont u? But she said shed really rather
just go with friends and Kayla said that too. Carols going with
Ted but I dont really know him. Oh Mexis going too hes going
with Cho. Hes always dating different girls! lol

later

Kimberly is acting like a little lady! Its cute. Shes asking me
about how I dress and whats high school like and everything.
She wants to invite her friends to her Womanhood ceremony
but I dont know how thats going to work. Usually the only ppl
who would be there r women! But she wants Mindy to go and
Mindy hasnt had her period yet so I dont know. Oh and
Charlotte wants to go too! Really thats kewl but I feel nervous
about it!

Also I got my dates totally mixed up! But thats ok Germana did
too! lol Her familys Halloween party isnt Saturday October 29
cuz thats Halloween Homecoming! They were going to have the
party on Saturday but they changed it cuz of homecoming. So
its on Friday October 28. So we can go to Germanas party on
Friday, then the nudist Halloween party on Saturday afternoon,
then homecoming in the evening. So it will be a party weekend!