Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary September 1

Thursday September 1 2005

Dear Mr Biggles

This is totally not working!

I dont like living all by myself! I thought I would but I straight up
dont! And I cant get any sleep! I havent even been here a lot cuz I
was gone all day long and that straight up doesnt work either!

Germana and Mexi picked up Mindy and me and we went to high
school. Then I had to leave and walk forever to get to the bus stop.
Then I took the bus which was late and went to college and ate lunch
all by myself. Then I took American History which is with Mr. Erin.
Then I had to run to catch the bus to get to Charlottes to babysit
Kimberly and Rodney and hoped I wouldnt be late! Then I babysat.
And that was a prob cuz Kimberly was driving me crazy! Then
Charlotte took me home and I had to rush to eat dinner and this time I
had to eat it by myself! Everybody else eats later cuz of course they
have to wait for the store to close. I dont know how we had it earlier
b4 but it straight up wont happen again. And Im a terrible cook so
either somebody has to make it for me or Ill cook it myself which
sucks. Or this is even worse I can have Charlotte take me to the
college so I can eat there and then stay there for hours waiting for
class to start!

Then after I ate Uncle Frankie wasnt even ready to take me to college
yet! So I had to wait on him and then I was almost late to the first day
of English! Uncle Frankie is never late unless Aunt Ebee slows him
down but he had to drive like 100 miles an hour to get me there on
time! This sucks! Then he had to pick me up again which is totally
unfair cuz he has to do it two days a week on Wednesdays and
Thursdays. And then were having Mabon on Thursday in like two
weeks and if Im in English I cant even go! This sucks!

Friday September 2 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have to decide what to do about my crazy schedule on Thursdays!
And I dont want to miss Mabon! Really its crazy other days too but
Thursdays r the worst! Anyway I wont talk about that anymore. Oh I
forgot to say my English teacher in college is Mr. Timmons.

I really dont like living by myself. Usually Im not even here much
when the store is open. But when I get back and theres customers
they want me to help them with something. I cant even go home
without customers following me! And then after it closes and
everybody leaves it gets totally quiet! I have to have the radio or TV
or a movie on or it drives me crazy! And if I dont then its quiet and
then I start hearing noises again! I think theres something in the walls!

Anyway I wont be here this weekend Im going to see Daddy and
Becky and my friends. I still dont know if Ill see Herbie I really want
to! Hes a good friend. Its just weird cuz hes been my boyfriend for
two years and now of course hes not. Its strange cuz we were just
friends for a long time. But then after we became boyfriend and
girlfriend I found out he had wanted me as his girlfriend for years. So
now its like were just going back to being friends. It should be the
same as it was b4 but its totally different. Nothing is ever the same
again.

Laura said virginity is that way and of course Ive been thinking about
that. If u dont know shes 17 but she lost hers when she was 14. She
hasnt had sex with anybody for a long time I dont think since she was
15 Im not sure. So really its almost like shes a virgin again. But she
said its not the same. Its like once uve been somewhere u cant ever
really go back. Everything changes. Its like this weekend Im going
back to the house I lived in for years and Daddys even there. But its
not the same house. Its my cuzins house now and Im just a visitor. I
dont belong there like I used to.

Everything changes. And everything that happens to u becomes a part
of who u r. U carry ur whole past with u and u cant ever really let it
go.

Ok enough of that! lol I have to tell u I told Deno Id go to the dance
with him! Its in two weeks. I wont even be able to go to Open House
cuz thats on a Wednesday and I have Spanish then. Ok I said I
wouldnt write about that anymore so Ill stop! Anyway the dance
should be fun. Germana said shes going but she doesnt know with
who yet. I dont know if Mexi is going or not but he might ask
somebody. Mindys going and she doesnt care if she has a date or not
really it doesnt matter. Its kewl just going with ur friends! Really
theres less pressure that way.

later

Im at Beckys! And guess what color her hair is? Red! She didnt even
tell me she dyed it shes usually blonde. Anyway were the only ones
here! Kay and Beth wont be back til Sunday. I am so glad I dont have
to spend the night in the antique store this weekend. It is totally not
working.

Ok Becky wants me to tell u her news. Shes with me right now of
course. She has her own credit card! I could not believe it! And of
course shes only 17 even though she has an ID that says shes 21. But
its like if u have a fake ID u can do anything just like u really were
that age! I dont even know how she got credit cuz she doesnt make
much money! Shes not even working at the lawn gnome place
anymore and her and Herbie dont do a lot of babysitting together.

Oh she wants me to tell u what shes done with her ID. First shes
bought booze a lot! And this is really funny. Cuz she buys it for
Cassie and Cassies 18 and Beckys only 17! lol Cassie could get a fake
ID but Becky said she straight up doesnt want one. Cuz with the
movies she makes its really better that shes 18. Oh Becky just said
shes going to make some of those movies with Cassie and Im like I
dont think so! lol Becky is such a hoochie! LMAO j/k Ok Becky isnt a
hoochie Crystal is! If u dont know Crystal is the name she has on her
fake ID.

Ok Becky wants me off computer shes tired of watching me type! lol

later

Guess what Becky and Linda and Sharma and I got right now? Becky
just bought us alcopop! lol Ok she says Becky didnt buy it Crystal
did! lol Oh now Crystal just said something mean shut up Crystal! She
just said we should buy booze for ppl in Hurricane Katrina but Im
sorry that is straight up not funny! I gave to help the ppl but I wont
say how much so I dont sound like Im bragging. Its really horrible
what happened! Ok Becky says I dont need to write about that
everybody already knows.

later

I had to stop typing cuz Linda came in! She doesnt read my diary and
neither does Sharma.

Guess what we did? We swam in the pool and then sat on the edge
and drank booze! I never drank alcopop at Beckys pool b4! lol It was
ok too cuz we werent going anywhere so nobody was going to be
driving. It was funny cuz Sharma said dive dont drive! lol I didnt get
really drunk I just drank a little.

But guess what we were wearing when we did that? Nothing! lol We
all like to swim naked so thats what we did. I never skinny dipped
with Sharma b4 I didnt really know her. Shes Lindas girlfriend of
course but I never get to see her. I havent skinny dipped in Beckys
pool in a long time. It is so kewl!

And guess what Becky wants us to do tomorrow? Go to the river! I
never get to go so that should be fun. Becky says we should all get
fake IDs cuz she says theres a lot more u can do if u have one!
Sharmas 18 so of course she can go to adult places but she still cant
buy alcohol which sucks.

Oh Ill tell u how old everybody is. Becky and I r both 17 1/2, Linda
just had her birthday so shes 16, and Sharma is 18.

Well do something this weekend but I dont even know what! Were
four hot girls with a three day weekend and no plans! LMAO

All right Becky says stop typing we got a big day tomorrow!

later

I have to write this quick or Becky will kill me! lol Linda and Sharma
slept together and Becky and I slept together in her Moms bed. Of
course I think they did some things Becky and I didnt! ;) Oh Becky
says thats just cuz Im chicken! lol Oh now she said everybodys done
tasties with a girl but me so its my turn! :o I dont think so! LMAO

Saturday September 3 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Everything got changed! Linda and Sharma decided to do something
else so we didnt go to the river. But really thats ok cuz I was
supposed to see Daddy anyway. And of course I wanted to go to my
covens esbat for the new moon but they cancelled it cuz of the three
day weekend which sucks. I wanted to meet the girl who might be
our new member! Becky knows her of course but I dont. But I think
Ill get to see her b4 I go back. I have to be here two weekends from
now cuz thats when Chipmunk will be elevated to full Wiccan! That
will be kewl.

Ok guess who came over? Daddy and my cuzins and Herbie! Yay!

If u dont know Ill tell u who my cuzins r. Denise is Daddys niece and
Nolan is her husband. They got four kids who r Darby whos 10 1/2,
Cari whos 8 1/2, Gracie who just turned 6, and Casey whos 3. It was
fun cuz we all went swimming! Everybody but Daddy did but he still
had fun! Of course my little cuzins all love Becky and Herbie cuz they
babysit them all the time. Gracie really likes Herbie she was like Herbie
do this Herbie watch me do this it was sweet.

We played with these things that r a lot of fun. Theyre like these really
long sticks but theyre bright colors and theyre soft. I cant remember
what theyre called. Anyway theyre fun to hit ppl with! lol And u know
Cari had to have a boat to play with! lol Really she floated on an
inflatable raft but she called it her boat. And Darby looks so different!
Its like everytime I see him he looks older. I think he looks more like
his Daddy all the time. And of course Caseys sweet! Shes only 3 but
she can really swim! She even tried getting a colored rock when we
threw some in the pool but she couldnt quite get them but Darby
helped her. Hes a great older brother!

I wish my period hadnt started but thats ok. It always starts close to
the full moon. I just wish it didnt last so long! At least I can swim in a
swimsuit with a tampon so really I guess Im glad it didnt start
yesterday when I wanted to skinny dip! lol And thank Goddess I dont
get PMS!

Ok I know what u really want to know. What happened with Herbie
and me? Cuz of course we were boyfriend and girlfriend for two
years and just broke up. It was a little weird at first cuz I really didnt
know how to act around him and I think he didnt either! But then
after we started playing with the kids it was fine. Its like then we
were talking and playing and laughing. He really is a great friend. And
part of the time I really wished he was my boo baby again! But I
know I have to be free for a while.

He even asked me if I dated anybody and I said just a friendship date.
I didnt tell him about the dance but of course I havent done that yet.
He said he hasnt dated anybody. But I said u should go on dates
Herbie! Hes a great guy hes really sweet. Ok I wont write about him
anymore or Ill change my mind about being free! LMAO

But guess what Becky said? She said she might want to be free too!
And Im like Hunter hasnt been her boyfriend very long and theyve
been really close. I mean she gave him her virginity! And now she
wants to be free? Really I think its all Crystals fault! lol But really its
ok whatever makes Becky happy is kewl.

We all went for pizza which was fun and of course they wanted me
to play video games. Im not really good at them but everybody wants
me to play them now!

later

Our plans got changed again and u wont believe what Becky and I
did! I did something I havent done in a long time. And then I did
something I never did b4!

First Denise and Nolan said they love their kids but they never have
time alone together. So Becky said she and Herbie and me could
babysit and they could be gone all night! And I thought I dont want to
babysit on vacation I do that every day! But really my cuzins should
have time by themselves. And then I thought it would be fun with
Becky and Herbie anyway. I never get to babysit with them and really
it wouldnt be a job it would be for my cuzins. And Id be staying with
my little cuzins anyway!

But then Daddy said it wouldnt work with Herbie. And I was like
whats up with that? Herbie babysits them all the time! But Daddy
meant babysitting all night cuz it would mean Herbie would be
spending the night with me and Becky there. But I was like Daddys
going to be there too! So that was just stupid. Sometimes Daddy can
be so bunk!

Anyway I said goodbye to Herbie and he gave me a big hug. And this
was weird but I almost kissed him! Then I stopped cuz I thought he
is straight up not my boyfriend anymore! And then I felt sad about it.
But then I thought but that doesnt mean I cant kiss him! So I just
gave him a little KOTL. I mean Becky gives him KOTL so why cant
I? Of course she kisses everybody! lol

So I was pissed at Daddy so I said Im going to stay at Beckys! And I
was waiting for him to tell me I couldnt. And really I think he started
to but he didnt. He really cant tell me what to do anymore cuz he
doesnt even live with me!

So anyway I went to Beckys and u wont believe what we did. And u
wont believe what Becky told me she did!

We got a lot of food to take to her crib and more alcopop! Becky even
bought some beer which she likes but I straight up dont like beer. She
likes it with lemons. I like hard lemonade but not beer!

So then we started chatting on the Internet cuz theres this teen site
Ive been a member of like forever but they just started a chat site!
First it was lame thats the way most chatrooms r. We invited some
ppl we know but nobody showed up cept Ella did later. But then I met
Crystals friend! lol His name is Shambler and he was fun! Hes not
Wiccan but he said his sister is.

But then guess what? He asked us if we partied but he meant do we
smoke bud. He said he did but then guess what Becky said? She said
yes! I said Becky u dont smoke bud. But she said she does now! I
could not believe it! And I was like when did u do that?

She said it was at Cassies apartment. She said Taylor was smoking
and so was Cassie and then he asked Becky if she wanted to! Cassie
said Becky didnt smoke but Becky said she wanted to try it. So she
did! She just sucked it in! And she said she didnt even cough or
anything and Taylor thought she smoked it b4! Cuz he said everybody
coughs the first time but Becky didnt! She said she didnt really get
jacked just a little. But she says she likes beer better. She said bud
made her too mellow like she didnt want to do anything. And of
course Becky is always doing something shes always moving! So it
would be really weird seeing her jacked! lol

So that was really weird. I used to think bud was really bad for u
almost as bad as cigarettes but then I learned a lot of thats lies. U cant
believe what the government tells u cuz they lie all the time. Its like the
war in Iraq they made up all the weapon stuff it was just so we could
get oil. And it totally didnt help cuz gas prices r the highest theyve
ever been! So all the ppl died for oil and we didnt even get any! Its
totally wrong.

Ok I wont write about that all day! I have to tell u what Becky and I
did! We started drinking more and more and I mean a lot! Its like we
werent driving anywhere and we didnt even have anyplace to go or
anything to do so its not like there would be a prob. And it was funny
cuz we got a lot of ppl watching us drink on webcam! lol

Then they were daring us to drink more and we kept drinking! Ive
never drunk that much in my life! And then we were teasing them on
webcam which I havent done in a long time but I havent been free!

We were both wearing our pink T shirts with Texas Rose written in
fancy hot pink letters. Its funny cuz some ppl thought we were from
Texas! lol Of course thats where we bought the shirts. But Becky said
we were really from Chicago! lol I had on blue jean shorts and Becky
had on black boxer shorts and we were both barefoot. We did
different things to tease like strut around and wiggle our butts.

But then I did something I havent done in a long time. Becky and I
both lifted our tops and flashed our bras! I had a white bra and
Beckys was black.

Of course they dared us to flash our boobs! And guess what? Becky
did it! Of course shes done that a lot.

But then I cant believe they talked me into doing it. But I took my bra
off under my top so they couldnt see anything. Then I waved my bra
around and they were like “lift ur top!” So then I took hold of the
bottom of my top and slowly moved it up while I danced. I felt sexy
and silly at the same time! Then finally I was right at the bottom of
my boobs. I lifted my top right up and flashed my boobs! LMAO
Then I covered up again and of course they wanted me to do it again!
lol I havent done that in like forever. They wanted to see more but
thats all they got! lol

Oh Becky did show her new tatoo the one that says Daddy’s Baby.
Really that was sad cuz somebody asked her why she got it and she
said cuz she loved her Daddy and he died. She has it really low on her
waist right above her butt. Her cuzin Needle did it for her he did all
her tatoos hes really good. Her other tatoos r high up on the front of
her thighs where u never see them unless shes wearing really skimpy
panties or naked. But she said she wants ppl to see she loves her
Daddy. She said she thought her Mom Kay would like it but she was
pissed! But its like how could she punish Becky for wanting to wear
her Daddy’s name?

Anyway we didnt really do much more but I was feeling really funny!
I drank too much lemonade! lol And I was like Becky show me to the
bathroom or Ill pee my pants! lol It was so weird! I was weaving just
trying to walk! lol So I know I was drunk. Ive been a little drunk b4
but not like that! I was worried I might have a hangover but I drank
hard lemonade which is good cuz lemons can prevent hangovers. But
being drunk is so weird! Its like u move ur head and everything
moves! And ur head feels like its floating like if u lean back too far it
will fall off! lol

So we walked to bed and held onto each other cuz Becky was really
drunk too! lol I was like whose bed am I in and who am I sleeping
with? lol We slept in Kays bed which of course used to be Leons bed
too. I didnt even put on my nightshirt I just took my shorts off and
Becky did too so we were both wearing our T shirt and our panties.
But something changed during the night that was weird! But Ill tell u
about that when I write Sunday.

Becky kissed me on the lips which was fine cuz we do that a lot but
this time her breath was weird! lol But she said mine was too! I guess
thats cuz we were drinking different things. So we both used a
peppermint. Then we kissed some more but just KOTL. But then she
started kissing me with her mouth open and I was like Becky! Cuz I
knew she wanted to do Frenchies! And I was like I did that one day
with her as an experiment but that was it. So I said Becky Im not
Hunter and Im not Linda! My mouth isnt ur tongue tunnel! LMAO

But then this was really weird. She looked at me and she said “Im not
Becky Im Crystal.” And she sounded really serious! Really it was a
little scary! So I said “dont do that Becky! I like sleeping with Becky
but I dont want to sleep with Crystal! If ur going to be Crystal Im
going to another bed” So she said “Im Becky dont worry girlfriend.”
So we gave each other little kissies. But then she tried to French me
again! And I was like Becky stop that! Silly girl. I think she was just
teasing me. Anyway then finally we fell asleep.

So now Ive been totally falling down drunk for the first time!