Lorien Loveshade's Private Diary July 12 to 15 2005

Tuesday July 12 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I got a lot to do. I cant believe my Midterm test is close already! Ill be
glad when I have my vacation.

later

Tonight was kewl! First I had a change of plans. Germana was going
to spend the night at my apartment but Mommy had to work and then
she planned to go to Page and Perrys so she wouldnt be home
anyway. So I decided to spend the night at Germanas. She shares a
room with Austra thats her little sister of course but Germana and I
spent the night in the guest room.

But guess what? I did it! I showed Germana my diary! I told her
almost nobody who knows me IRL reads it. And I made her make a
solemn promise not to tell anybody about it. She can tell ppl she
knows online of course thats not a prob. But just not ppl who know
me IRL. I showed her my new website too and she said she really
likes it! She said it was special that Id share that and my diary with
her but she called it a blog. She showed me her website too but of
course Ive already seen it.

But guess what her secret was for me? She gave me a friendship
bracelet and she has one to match! U cant really tell theyre friendship
bracelets but they each have a part that lets them fit together. And this
was really sweet. She said shes had a lot of friends but they just come
and go. But she really thinks Im going to stay. Of course I will but
isnt that sweet? And then she said Im her best friend! That is so
awesome. I told her shes one of my best friends too but I dont have
just one. I guess Im selfish! lol

Oh and Germana said she wants to read my diary but she doesnt want
to watch me write it. She thinks it might make me nervous or I might
write it different if shes there or something. It really doesnt make me
nervous but thats ok.

But guess what I got? A cell phone! I finally have my own phone! I
cant use it yet cuz they have to set it up. I dont know how it works
but I think I can use it tomorrow. But dont ask me my phone number
cuz I am not telling that to anybody cept ppl I know IRL. Sorry!

I really like having dinner with Germanas family. I dont think they do
it every day but when ur there everybody sits at the table and u share
what happened to u that day. U can talk about problems u had or good
things or whatever. Everybody has to listen which is totally kewl. Her
whole family was there which is her Dad Vince, her Mom Monica,
her younger brother Mexi, younger sister Austra, and youngest
brother Nether. Oh Randi wasnt there thats her older sister but she
doesnt live with them anymore.

U straight up will not believe what I told everybody about. I told them
Im not renewing the promise with my boyfriend! Thats really personal
but u can tell them things like that. Of course Germana and Mexi
already knew. Nobody even gave me any advice til I asked for it.
Really they were supportive of my decision and said it was up to me.
But they think its good that Im telling Herbie this weekend instead of
waiting til later.

Austra talked about the end of the world again. She believes that the
new Pope is the next to the last Pope. She says the world will end
during the time of the next Pope which is an old prophecy. Really I
dont know. How can u know when the world will end? And maybe it
wont end maybe it will just continue with the cycle of life forever.

We watched this old black and white movie called “It Happened One
Night.” It was really romantic but it was funny too. Germana really
likes black and white movies and I do too. Its not a feminist movie but
in a way it is cuz its about the power between men and women.
Anyway I wont tell u about it ull have to rent it!

Germana and I used the hot tub. She went skinnydipping but I wore
my bikini bottom cuz Im on my period. Germana says what she
thinks and there are some things we disagree about. I know shell read
this but thats ok. Even though she rode in the World Nude Bike Ride
she said she usually doesnt get naked unless shes taking a shower or
having sex! lol I told her nudism is totally different than sex its about
body acceptance. But she said if shes naked and sees naked ppl sex is
what shes thinking about. And then Im thinking shes naked in the hot
tub with me and Im almost naked so is she thinking about sex? I didnt
ask her but I know shell read this! LMAO

She said the same thing about doing cuddles. She said if shes cuddling
with somebody its cuz she wants to have sex with them or just had
sex with them. I dont know. I like doing cuddles with my friends but
thats ok.

Guess what else I showed her? I showed her Steve Steves story
about Mindy and Becky and me! I was embarrassed to do it but I told
her its just a story. But then she asked me who is this Steve Steve? I
told her I just know him online and hes a great writer and gives me
good advice. I thought she would ask me if any of the story was true
but she didnt. Really the beginning part is true but the rest is Steve
Steves dream.

But then u wont believe what she said about Beths story. She said
sometimes she thinks about her brother too! I could not believe it!
Really the story isnt true I dont even know if Beth has a brother. Its
just a story. But its weird cuz I never had fantasies about my brother
Benny. I just wondered what he looked like and what he did things
like that. But I wonder about everybody! lol Really I always wonder
what underwear ppl r wearing I dont know why.

Its really kewl that Germana is my new best friend. Shes free like
Becky but she plans more like Mindy. I hope she can meet Laura but I
think Laura will be here when Germanas in Europe. I wish Germana
wasnt going to be gone for so long cuz Ill really miss her!

Wednesday July 13 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I looked for a TV this morning cuz Germanas got me buying
everything! lol Really I think Ill just get a used one at Page and Perrys
cuz it will be a lot cheaper. I really dont care about having a new TV I
just want to watch it in my room. They still havent got my cell phone
working which is driving me crazy! Why do I have to wait so long? I
think somebody messed up.

Im trying to write a story and some poems but I cant think of what to
write! I have so much reading and writing to do for my Psychology
class and I have to study for my midterm. And Im making my new
website too. It will be a lot bigger than any of my old ones and of
course Im sharing it. But I have my own subdomain!

I want to have a place where ppl can post messages for me but I dont
know how to do that yet. Really I want to let my friends post their
poems and stories too. But I dont want any sex stories on my site! lol
I guess sexy is ok I even have a couple of sexy poems there. But not
XXX rated! We want the site PG 13 or maybe R.

I went to the fitness center so I talked to Carol. I dont know whats
happening with her and guys! Its like she has a boyfriend then she
doesnt then she does again. I dont even know whats up! She said no
way can she go on vacation with us but I dont know about Ella. It
would be really kewl if I could go on vacation with all my friends. I
mean my closest friends I dont mean everybody! lol

Thursday July 14 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have my Psychology midterm test today and Im nervous! Ive been
studying a lot but its hard when the class moves so fast. Ok Im going
back to studying.

later

I dont know how I did on my midterm I dont think I did very good!
There were a lot of questions and essays and some of them I missed.
I got behind on my reading and with a six week class u have no time
to catch up! I dont think Ill take a six week class again. I hope I did
ok!

I still dont know if Ella can go on vacation with us or not. She has to
find out soon or we wont be able to get her a ticket! And I have to
find another kid to babysit. Im only doing Garrett till I leave for
vacation and then Ill just have Kimberly and Rodney cuz Dominica
said Garrett wont need a babysitter anymore. I do not want to babysit
for $3.50 an hour when Im making $6 an hour. That would suck!
Especially cuz I have my cell phone to pay for. At least it works now!
I was calling everybody! lol Oh I should say Mindy and I were shes
spending the night with me.

Guess what we decided? Were going to try publishing our poems! Ive
thought about it forever I dont know why I havent done it b4.
Harmonys going to help us. I have some new poems I think Ill post
on my website and then Ill send some out. I didnt think I could submit
my old poems but Harmony said I can. But if theyre posted on a
website like ours thats considered published! Thats good but it also
means that some publishers wont want ur poems. They want to have
them for the first time. Oh Mindy just said they only want virgin
poems! LMAO Anyway some publishers like publishing poems that
have already been published so thats ok.

I cant believe the weekends almost here! Herbies coming out on
Saturday and I have to tell him. I straight up dont want to hurt his
feelings. But I want to be free!

Friday July 15 2005

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I have a change of plans! Herbie was going to come out here
tomorrow but instead Im going there today! Im going to spend the
night at my cuzins which means I can see Daddy of course. I think Ill
tell him Im going on vacation with just Mindy and Becky unless Ella
can go. But it would still just be us girls. I know he wont like it cuz he
told me b4 I couldnt do it. But whats he going to say hes not living
with us right now! If he wants to try to tell me what to do then he has
to move back in with Mommy and Matthew and me. Otherwise he
cant tell me anything!

I am really nervous about talking to Herbie. I want my freedom but I
dont want to hurt his feelings! I still like him I have to explain that to
him. Herbies really sweet hes a kewl guy. But I just want to be free
for a while.

later

Im at my cuzins and guess whos staying here with me? Becky! Ive
been spending the night with somebody like half the time now! Daddy
doesnt like it but if he wants to do something about it he can move
back!

Becky and I told Daddy were going on vacation with Mindy and he
was not happy. He didnt yell he usually doesnt its Mommy that yells.
He just got quiet and asked me a lot of questions. He did not sound
happy. But so what? Its not my fault he moved out! If he doesnt like
what I do then he has to move back. Otherwise he cant do anything
about it. Oh and Im glad were flying cuz Becky said her Mom
wouldnt let her go if she was driving. Shes still thinking about losing
Leon. Im going to help Becky make a tribute page for him and were
putting it on the website.

I talked to Herbie but I didnt see him Ill see him tomorrow. I really
dont want to tell him but I have to! I cant wait any longer cuz I
straight up am not going to tell him Im breaking up with him when its
our anniversary! Ok I wont talk about that anymore not til tomorrow
when I tell him.

I really like my cell phone. I wish I got one a long time ago! Its like
everybody has one but me. Oh Mindy doesnt either but I think shes
getting one. I didnt get a spenny one I just got a cheap one.

Ok Becky wants to do something else so buh bye!