| JuLy 9 - 11 2005 |
Saturday July 9 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
Becky says she wants to go on vacation with Mindy and me! That
could be really kewl! She has to check but I know it will be ok. But
we have to find if we can get her a ticket for the same flight! Really
its too bad we didnt know b4 cuz we could have drove I think with
three ppl its cheaper. But I guess flyings better cuz driving takes
forever! I really dont like flying but Im not scared like I was.
Oh and I am definitely showing Germana Steve Steves story and also
Ella and Carol. But I wont tell Ella and Carol its about us! Maybe Ill
show Ella cuz shes good at keeping secrets. Nobody will know cuz
they wont see our real names. Of course Germana will know cuz Im
showing her our diary! Oh and I think Ill show Cassie the story too
well see her tonight. We have a group date!
later
Beckys going on vacation with Mindy and me! This will be totally
kewl! And guess what? Allen said hes really looking forward to seeing
us! Isnt that kewl? Mindy said he meant me but I know he means all
of us! lol Yvette and Josh r happy too and I know Vickie will be but
she wasnt there. Oh and I know Harmony will be excited about seeing
all of us!
They still had a seat on the same flight going in and it was still the
same price. Becky got a seat on the same flight coming back too but
they didnt have any of the cheapest tickets left so hers will cost a little
bit more. She said she could fly back by herself but I didnt want her
doing that! So Im going to help pay for her ticket so it wont cost her
any more. And really its still cheap cuz some of the tickets r a lot
more! Of course Beckys family doesnt have as much money since
Leon died. Theyre supposed to get insurance money but its taking
forever. But anyway were just getting the cheap seats.
So now I have to talk to Herbie! Hes already talking about our two
year anniversary. I know I write this forever but how do I tell him? I
have to let him know. And really Becky said its not fair to wait I
should tell him right away. Really shes right. Cuz I know hell be
making plans!
Anyway let me tell u about our group date. The boys were Herbie,
Kevin, Jude, and Taylor, and the girls were Mindy, Becky, Cassie, and
me. We werent really couples cept for Herbie and me and Cassie and
Taylor. They arent a regular couple they just were for the date. Cassie
dates a lot of different guys. If u dont know Kevin is Beckys older
brother.
Oh and Cassies getting an apartment! I thought she was getting one
by herself but shes getting one with Micky. I wish Cassies family
werent moving Ill really miss Lindsay! If u dont know shes Cassies
little sister.
We saw the movie Bewitched and it was funny! If u dont know its
based on an old TV show. But really we talked about it after. Its like
nothing u ever see in movies or on TV is about real witches! They
always have really powerful magic or theyre evil or theyre silly or
something. But witches r real ppl! We do use magic but its limited its
not like Bewitched or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. I like those
movies but I wish theyd make a movie about real witches!
I wanted to have Cassie read our story when we were there but of
course we couldnt do that with the guys there! lol I know Kevin reads
things like that but we couldnt tell him its about us! Becky said she
wants to show him anyway! :o Oh and shes going to show her sister
Beth too.
Anyway I told Cassie about it when the guys couldnt hear and I said
Id send it to her. She really liked the other stories I showed her she
said they could be movies! But she doesnt write her movies of course
shes just an actress. She said they tell u almost everything to do but
parts of it u can try things urself. Really the movies she does dont
have much of a story anyway theyre just f**king and s**king! LMAO
Its funny though cuz even though shes a high school student and she
just turned 18 they wont make any movies like that about her. They
said she looks older and her boobs r too big! But she knows
somebody who makes those movies about younger girls and shes
really 22! lol Cassie still wants me and Becky to go to one of her
shoots but wed have to get a fake ID and I dont want to do that. In
half a year I wont need one anyway! She said she could get one for
Mindy but nobody would believe Mindys 18. Most ppl dont even
believe shes 14! Mindy says she still looks 10 but really I think she
looks more like 11 almost 12. Cassie said when Mindys 18 shed be
perfect for the schoolgirl movies cuz she looks really young and shes
part Japanese. But no way does Mindy want to do that!
After the movie we went to Beckys and went swimming! I really dont
mind swimming on my period I just use a tampon. This was funny
though cuz Herbie and I had an underwater kissing contest with
Cassie and Taylor! We tried to see who could kiss for the longest
underwater. And Herbie and I won! Thats cuz we had lots of
practice. I wanted to do my favorite pool game where u ride piggy
back on somebodys shoulders and try to knock the other team down.
But I didnt want to do that on my period. We used the jacuzzi after
but not very long cuz it was hot. Oh and we went to a fast food place.
Oh Mindy wrote a haiku for Steve Steve and she wants me to post it
in my diary. Its about him writing our story. Its kewl Mindys a great
poetess!
Steve’s fingers dance
on lettered keys tapping out
letters of love
Isnt that kewl? I wrote some haikus too but they arent very good.
I got to spend some time with Herbie but I still havent talked to him
about not renewing our promise. I have to tell him soon! Ill see Daddy
tomorrow so I cant tell him then and after that Im going back home.
So I guess Ill tell him next weekend Ill have to come back.
later
We all slept together again which was kewl. Becky said Mindy and I
should do what we did in the story but I was like I dont think so!
But I had a totally weird dream! I dreamt that Steve Steve was writing
a story on his laptop. I am not kidding! Only he was on a plane. He
was sitting and I was standing in front of him in the aisle but he didnt
see me cuz he was looking at his computer. So I said Steve Steve?
And then he looked up and saw me. And his mouth went open and his
eyes rolled back and then he passed out! Isnt that weird? I think he
was shocked to see me! lol I know Steve Steve will read this I dont
know what hell think of my dream! lol
Sunday, July 10 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I am really nervous cuz Im going to see Daddy today. Really I dont
know why Im so nervous I used to see him everyday! But I want to
convince him to come back. But how can I do that? And if he does
come back whats to stop him and Mommy from just arguing all the
time? They straight up need counseling. I dont know maybe now that
Im taking Psychology theyll listen to me. But I dont know.
later
Becky and Mindy wanted the three of us to take a shower together!
Of course Ive done that a lot with Mindy and we even wash each
other thats a Japanese tradition. But not with Becky and Mindy and
me! Plus Im on my period anyway. So we didnt do it. I dont know.
Maybe when Im not on my period I will. It could be kewl.
Ok I have to go I have to talk to Daddy!
later
I talked to Daddy but I dont know how I feel about it! Hes staying at
Denise and Nolans but there was like too many ppl there with all the
kids. I told him I really miss him and he said he missed me too! I said
“I love you Daddy” but he just said “me too.” Thats sweet but I wish
hed say “I love you, Lorien.” He hardly ever says that. He said I can
come and see him on weekends and during the week during summer.
But hes not ready to come back! He said Mommy needs help.
So then I said “Mommy needs counseling.” Just like that! But then he
said “I dont think counselors do any good. She just needs to
straighten up.” And Im like if she could do it by herself she would
have done it already! And really I think Daddy needs counseling too
but how could I tell him that? But then I cant believe I said this but I
said “Im taking Psychology and were learning that everybody needs
counseling sometimes.” But Daddy said “Psychologys a waste of
time. Is that something you have to take?” So I just said “yes” I didnt
know what to say. It does count for my credits but really I dont have
to take it.
Then I thought Id better change the subject. So then I talked about
housesitting with Becky and Mindy just to see what hed say. And all
he said was “you girls be careful.” Thats it! B4 he would have told me
that wasnt a good idea and I should stay at my cuzins which is of
course where hes staying right now. But he didnt even tell me that!
Whats up with that? I dont like Daddy telling me what to do but its
almost worse when he doesnt tell me! Its like he doesnt care. So I
dont know.
But then I said something later about Mommy getting counseling
when Denise and Nolan were listening. Nolan didnt say anything but
guess what Denise said? She said “that sounds like a good idea.” And
then this I cant believe. She looked at Daddy who is her uncle of
course and said “have you thought about getting marriage
counseling?” She really asked him that! But he just said it was a waste
of time. But Im like how is it a waste of time getting help so u can
take care of ur problems? Dr. Fielder said “you cant help people who
dont want to get help.” I guess thats the way it is with Daddy. But I
wish I could do something!
But this might be the good part. Cuz I thought Mommy can get
counseling by herself! When shes upset she wants ppl to help her. So
maybe if we could get her to go to counseling then she could get
things worked out. Then if she got things worked out then Daddy
would come back! And maybe Daddy wouldnt even need counseling
if Mommy got it. I hope so. Anyway I am straight up going to try to
talk Mommy into getting help!
I really like Psychology and of course I really like helping ppl. Maybe
Ill be a psychologist!
Monday July 11 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I talked to Mommy about getting counseling and it straight up didnt
help. She said “the one who needs counseling is your father!” I dont
know maybe Ill try later.
I talked to Aunt Lizzie and she said the same thing my teacher did that
they have to want help b4 they can get it. Of course I know that. I
just wish theyd want help! Cuz they really need it!
She said shes going to a nudist beach this weekend and me and a
friend can go too if we want. She thinks her neighbors r going too.
Beckys gone with me b4 and Mindy says she wants to but I dont
know if shes ready. And really I cant cuz Im seeing Herbie this
weekend and no way does he want to go! I have to tell him this
weekend that I want to be free for awhile.
Anyway I asked about Germana but Aunt Lizzie said she doesnt think
she ever went to a nude beach! But she rode in the World Nude Bike
Ride so I dont know. Anyway Germanas spending the night with me
tomorrow so Ill ask her then. And I will definitely tell her about my
diary! She really is one of my best friends and I know I can trust her
cuz shes really good at keeping secrets. I dont think Im ready to show
her our story yet though I dont know. I sent her and Ella and Carol
the one Beth wrote.
later
Ella and Mindy and I went to the fitness center and guess what? Ella
said she wants to go on vacation with us too! I dont know if she can
but that would be kewl. We could have like a whole group going! I
know Germana cant cuz shell be in Europe but maybe Carol could go
too! But I dont know where well all sleep! Yvette said more ppl can
come but her crib is straight up too small. Really I dont even know
where Becky and Mindy and I r going sleep. But last time it worked
cuz we stayed different places.
Oh and Ella really liked Beths story. Shes going to show it to Wendi
she already showed her Fallons story. Theyre working on a story too
but I dont what its about. I really should write more poems and
stories I dont know why Im not! I used to write poems all the time
but Im not writing many now. Its like all my writing is my diary or
homework. Oh and my website. Really a lot of whats on my new
website I already did Im just updating it. But I think Ill write some
more poems and story. I just dont know about what!
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
Becky says she wants to go on vacation with Mindy and me! That
could be really kewl! She has to check but I know it will be ok. But
we have to find if we can get her a ticket for the same flight! Really
its too bad we didnt know b4 cuz we could have drove I think with
three ppl its cheaper. But I guess flyings better cuz driving takes
forever! I really dont like flying but Im not scared like I was.
Oh and I am definitely showing Germana Steve Steves story and also
Ella and Carol. But I wont tell Ella and Carol its about us! Maybe Ill
show Ella cuz shes good at keeping secrets. Nobody will know cuz
they wont see our real names. Of course Germana will know cuz Im
showing her our diary! Oh and I think Ill show Cassie the story too
well see her tonight. We have a group date!
later
Beckys going on vacation with Mindy and me! This will be totally
kewl! And guess what? Allen said hes really looking forward to seeing
us! Isnt that kewl? Mindy said he meant me but I know he means all
of us! lol Yvette and Josh r happy too and I know Vickie will be but
she wasnt there. Oh and I know Harmony will be excited about seeing
all of us!
They still had a seat on the same flight going in and it was still the
same price. Becky got a seat on the same flight coming back too but
they didnt have any of the cheapest tickets left so hers will cost a little
bit more. She said she could fly back by herself but I didnt want her
doing that! So Im going to help pay for her ticket so it wont cost her
any more. And really its still cheap cuz some of the tickets r a lot
more! Of course Beckys family doesnt have as much money since
Leon died. Theyre supposed to get insurance money but its taking
forever. But anyway were just getting the cheap seats.
So now I have to talk to Herbie! Hes already talking about our two
year anniversary. I know I write this forever but how do I tell him? I
have to let him know. And really Becky said its not fair to wait I
should tell him right away. Really shes right. Cuz I know hell be
making plans!
Anyway let me tell u about our group date. The boys were Herbie,
Kevin, Jude, and Taylor, and the girls were Mindy, Becky, Cassie, and
me. We werent really couples cept for Herbie and me and Cassie and
Taylor. They arent a regular couple they just were for the date. Cassie
dates a lot of different guys. If u dont know Kevin is Beckys older
brother.
Oh and Cassies getting an apartment! I thought she was getting one
by herself but shes getting one with Micky. I wish Cassies family
werent moving Ill really miss Lindsay! If u dont know shes Cassies
little sister.
We saw the movie Bewitched and it was funny! If u dont know its
based on an old TV show. But really we talked about it after. Its like
nothing u ever see in movies or on TV is about real witches! They
always have really powerful magic or theyre evil or theyre silly or
something. But witches r real ppl! We do use magic but its limited its
not like Bewitched or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. I like those
movies but I wish theyd make a movie about real witches!
I wanted to have Cassie read our story when we were there but of
course we couldnt do that with the guys there! lol I know Kevin reads
things like that but we couldnt tell him its about us! Becky said she
wants to show him anyway! :o Oh and shes going to show her sister
Beth too.
Anyway I told Cassie about it when the guys couldnt hear and I said
Id send it to her. She really liked the other stories I showed her she
said they could be movies! But she doesnt write her movies of course
shes just an actress. She said they tell u almost everything to do but
parts of it u can try things urself. Really the movies she does dont
have much of a story anyway theyre just f**king and s**king! LMAO
Its funny though cuz even though shes a high school student and she
just turned 18 they wont make any movies like that about her. They
said she looks older and her boobs r too big! But she knows
somebody who makes those movies about younger girls and shes
really 22! lol Cassie still wants me and Becky to go to one of her
shoots but wed have to get a fake ID and I dont want to do that. In
half a year I wont need one anyway! She said she could get one for
Mindy but nobody would believe Mindys 18. Most ppl dont even
believe shes 14! Mindy says she still looks 10 but really I think she
looks more like 11 almost 12. Cassie said when Mindys 18 shed be
perfect for the schoolgirl movies cuz she looks really young and shes
part Japanese. But no way does Mindy want to do that!
After the movie we went to Beckys and went swimming! I really dont
mind swimming on my period I just use a tampon. This was funny
though cuz Herbie and I had an underwater kissing contest with
Cassie and Taylor! We tried to see who could kiss for the longest
underwater. And Herbie and I won! Thats cuz we had lots of
practice. I wanted to do my favorite pool game where u ride piggy
back on somebodys shoulders and try to knock the other team down.
But I didnt want to do that on my period. We used the jacuzzi after
but not very long cuz it was hot. Oh and we went to a fast food place.
Oh Mindy wrote a haiku for Steve Steve and she wants me to post it
in my diary. Its about him writing our story. Its kewl Mindys a great
poetess!
Steve’s fingers dance
on lettered keys tapping out
letters of love
Isnt that kewl? I wrote some haikus too but they arent very good.
I got to spend some time with Herbie but I still havent talked to him
about not renewing our promise. I have to tell him soon! Ill see Daddy
tomorrow so I cant tell him then and after that Im going back home.
So I guess Ill tell him next weekend Ill have to come back.
later
We all slept together again which was kewl. Becky said Mindy and I
should do what we did in the story but I was like I dont think so!
But I had a totally weird dream! I dreamt that Steve Steve was writing
a story on his laptop. I am not kidding! Only he was on a plane. He
was sitting and I was standing in front of him in the aisle but he didnt
see me cuz he was looking at his computer. So I said Steve Steve?
And then he looked up and saw me. And his mouth went open and his
eyes rolled back and then he passed out! Isnt that weird? I think he
was shocked to see me! lol I know Steve Steve will read this I dont
know what hell think of my dream! lol
Sunday, July 10 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I am really nervous cuz Im going to see Daddy today. Really I dont
know why Im so nervous I used to see him everyday! But I want to
convince him to come back. But how can I do that? And if he does
come back whats to stop him and Mommy from just arguing all the
time? They straight up need counseling. I dont know maybe now that
Im taking Psychology theyll listen to me. But I dont know.
later
Becky and Mindy wanted the three of us to take a shower together!
Of course Ive done that a lot with Mindy and we even wash each
other thats a Japanese tradition. But not with Becky and Mindy and
me! Plus Im on my period anyway. So we didnt do it. I dont know.
Maybe when Im not on my period I will. It could be kewl.
Ok I have to go I have to talk to Daddy!
later
I talked to Daddy but I dont know how I feel about it! Hes staying at
Denise and Nolans but there was like too many ppl there with all the
kids. I told him I really miss him and he said he missed me too! I said
“I love you Daddy” but he just said “me too.” Thats sweet but I wish
hed say “I love you, Lorien.” He hardly ever says that. He said I can
come and see him on weekends and during the week during summer.
But hes not ready to come back! He said Mommy needs help.
So then I said “Mommy needs counseling.” Just like that! But then he
said “I dont think counselors do any good. She just needs to
straighten up.” And Im like if she could do it by herself she would
have done it already! And really I think Daddy needs counseling too
but how could I tell him that? But then I cant believe I said this but I
said “Im taking Psychology and were learning that everybody needs
counseling sometimes.” But Daddy said “Psychologys a waste of
time. Is that something you have to take?” So I just said “yes” I didnt
know what to say. It does count for my credits but really I dont have
to take it.
Then I thought Id better change the subject. So then I talked about
housesitting with Becky and Mindy just to see what hed say. And all
he said was “you girls be careful.” Thats it! B4 he would have told me
that wasnt a good idea and I should stay at my cuzins which is of
course where hes staying right now. But he didnt even tell me that!
Whats up with that? I dont like Daddy telling me what to do but its
almost worse when he doesnt tell me! Its like he doesnt care. So I
dont know.
But then I said something later about Mommy getting counseling
when Denise and Nolan were listening. Nolan didnt say anything but
guess what Denise said? She said “that sounds like a good idea.” And
then this I cant believe. She looked at Daddy who is her uncle of
course and said “have you thought about getting marriage
counseling?” She really asked him that! But he just said it was a waste
of time. But Im like how is it a waste of time getting help so u can
take care of ur problems? Dr. Fielder said “you cant help people who
dont want to get help.” I guess thats the way it is with Daddy. But I
wish I could do something!
But this might be the good part. Cuz I thought Mommy can get
counseling by herself! When shes upset she wants ppl to help her. So
maybe if we could get her to go to counseling then she could get
things worked out. Then if she got things worked out then Daddy
would come back! And maybe Daddy wouldnt even need counseling
if Mommy got it. I hope so. Anyway I am straight up going to try to
talk Mommy into getting help!
I really like Psychology and of course I really like helping ppl. Maybe
Ill be a psychologist!
Monday July 11 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I talked to Mommy about getting counseling and it straight up didnt
help. She said “the one who needs counseling is your father!” I dont
know maybe Ill try later.
I talked to Aunt Lizzie and she said the same thing my teacher did that
they have to want help b4 they can get it. Of course I know that. I
just wish theyd want help! Cuz they really need it!
She said shes going to a nudist beach this weekend and me and a
friend can go too if we want. She thinks her neighbors r going too.
Beckys gone with me b4 and Mindy says she wants to but I dont
know if shes ready. And really I cant cuz Im seeing Herbie this
weekend and no way does he want to go! I have to tell him this
weekend that I want to be free for awhile.
Anyway I asked about Germana but Aunt Lizzie said she doesnt think
she ever went to a nude beach! But she rode in the World Nude Bike
Ride so I dont know. Anyway Germanas spending the night with me
tomorrow so Ill ask her then. And I will definitely tell her about my
diary! She really is one of my best friends and I know I can trust her
cuz shes really good at keeping secrets. I dont think Im ready to show
her our story yet though I dont know. I sent her and Ella and Carol
the one Beth wrote.
later
Ella and Mindy and I went to the fitness center and guess what? Ella
said she wants to go on vacation with us too! I dont know if she can
but that would be kewl. We could have like a whole group going! I
know Germana cant cuz shell be in Europe but maybe Carol could go
too! But I dont know where well all sleep! Yvette said more ppl can
come but her crib is straight up too small. Really I dont even know
where Becky and Mindy and I r going sleep. But last time it worked
cuz we stayed different places.
Oh and Ella really liked Beths story. Shes going to show it to Wendi
she already showed her Fallons story. Theyre working on a story too
but I dont what its about. I really should write more poems and
stories I dont know why Im not! I used to write poems all the time
but Im not writing many now. Its like all my writing is my diary or
homework. Oh and my website. Really a lot of whats on my new
website I already did Im just updating it. But I think Ill write some
more poems and story. I just dont know about what!
| Copyright by Lorien Loveshade |
LoRiEn
LoVeShAdE
LoVeShAdE
| My DiArY! |
| Beckys going on vacation with Mindy and me! |
We went on a group
date!
date!
Steve’s fingers dance
on lettered keys tapping out
letters of love
by Mindy
on lettered keys tapping out
letters of love
by Mindy
I had a totally weird
dream about Steve
Steve!
dream about Steve
Steve!
| Becky and Mindy wanted the three of us to take a shower together! |
I talked to Daddy but
I dont know how I feel
about it!
I dont know how I feel
about it!
| I talked to Mommy about getting counseling |
| Ella said she wants to go on vacation with us too! |