Sunday June 26 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
Daddys moving out! I cant believe it. He doesnt know if it will be for just a couple
days I hope thats all it is! I cant stand Mommy and Daddy arguing all the time but
I dont want Daddy to leave! He left b4 and he was gone for like a year!
Mindy spent the night with me last night. I didnt even ask Mommy if I could go to
Mindys cuz I know Mommy would say no cuz she hates being alone. And really I
wanted to be here anyway in case Daddy came home! But when he did he just
got some of his stuff. Mommy was mad at him and started yelling and then he
said “thats why Im going.” So then she started pleading for him to stay and
saying she wouldnt argue anymore like that. Then he still was getting ready to
go so then she got mad again and said “Then just go! I dont want u here
anymore!” I know she was just mad when she said it but I still hated hearing it.
Ok I dont hate anything I dont believe in hate. But when Mommy says things like
that it hurts me deep inside. It really does. Then after that Mommy starting crying
and was pleading for him to stay. But he left anyway! When Daddy makes up his
mind u straight up cant change it. Theres not point in trying.
I hope hes just gone for a couple days! Mommy was going crazy calling
everybody to find out where he went. But its like Mommy if Daddy didnt want u to
know where he was would he go someplace where theyd tell u he was there?
But then she said maybe she could hear him talking in the background or
something. And Im like Daddy is straight up not going to be talking loud in the
background when he knows Mommy is trying to find him! Mommy cant keep
secrets but Daddy can.
Really I dont know. I dont know which is worse Daddy being gone or having him
here and hearing Mommy and him argue all the time. They need to get
counseling thats what they need. They could even talk to Vince. If u dont know
hes my friend Germanas father and hes a psychologist and of course thats what
Im taking in college. I know hes not a marriage counselor but he could still help
and I know he knows marriage counselors. Its like if u cant solve ur problems by
urself then get help! Duh!
I was pissed but now I feel like I just dont care. Theres nothing I can do about it
anyway. I wish I already took Psychology maybe Id know what to do. But it is
straight up not my fault! Even Mindy says its not my fault. Am I responsible cuz
Mommy and Daddy cant work out their own problems? Im their daughter Im not
their marriage counselor! I dont even want to talk about it anymore.
I talked to Herbie about our date. Mindy and Deno and Herbie and I r finally
going on our double date this weekend. I felt like I didnt even care but I do want
to see Herbie. But I still dont know what to do. Hes my boo baby and hes really
sweet. But I want to be able to date somebody else! Cuz I know hes going to
want to be promised for another year on August 6 cuz thats our anniversary. I
have to tell him b4 then. But when do I tell him?
Its like my life was getting good Im a senior now and Im a leader in my branch
and were building the main website and Im a college student and everything. But
now Daddys gone and I dont know what to do about Herbie and I really dont
want to take a whole college class in six weeks! I feel like my life sucks!
later
I decided Im going to post my diary in public again. Its been private for three
years but right now I dont even care. I guess anybody who wants to read it can
read it. I might put a warning on it like Warning this is boring! lol But really I tell
details about things some ppl straight up might not want to read. I dont think
many ppl really want to know what a teenage girl really does and thinks about.
Some ppl would be really scared if they knew what I really do! LMAO
Monday June 27 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
I dont even care about Mommy and Daddy separating for a few days. Maybe its
good for them. Maybe theyll think about how immature theyve been acting!
Steve Steve says I should tell them theyre acting like a couple of 10 year olds
maybe I should!
I think Im going to learn a lot in psychology. My teacher is Dr. Fielder and hes
really interesting. I think Ill like him a lot! He wanted us each to tell about
ourselves I think they do that a lot in college. I cant believe I did this but I told
everybody I believe in Wicca! Usually I dont talk about it much. Wicca isnt a
evangelism religion cuz we dont force our beliefs on anybody. But still its ok to
tell ppl what u believe! And I even mentioned Karma and Dr. Fielder talked about
it too! So that was kewl. Hes married and has a daughter and a son I think.
Anyway I feel better about my class cuz I thought one class four days a week
would be weird! But I think Ill like it ok. Of course its that way in high school but I
havent had a college class like this. Im really interested in psychology cuz that
helps u understand how ppl think and why they do the things they do. Maybe I
can figure out my crazy parents! lol I wish Daddy would come back soon Mommy
is driving me crazy. I think Daddys at Denise and Nolans I think he was at
Alonzos at first but I dont know.
Its weird cuz right now that Daddys gone I dont have the one night a week
restriction cuz Mommy doesnt care. But I cant spend the night anywhere at all!
Not unless Mommys with somebody cuz she cant stand being alone. Its totally
weird cuz she never goes anywhere cept to work or Page or Perrys thats her
parents. But she still doesnt want to be by herself!
Anyway the good part is I can have somebody spend the night all the time if I
want to! Mommy wants ppl here. And really I think I can spend the night at
Mindys she just lives next door. If Mommy gets lonely she can go to Page and
Perrys. I dont want to stop what Im doing just cuz she needs to grow up!
later
Oh were having a meeting Wednesday to talk about our coven. I think Mindys
spending the night. I really have to talk to Ella and Carol and Germana about
staying over. I really want to show them my website cuz its my first professional
site! Of course Ive had lots of websites b4 but not like this. But how can I do that
and post my diary if I dont want them to know everything I do? Its easy if the ppl
who read it dont know u. Who cares what they think? But I straight up do care
what my friends think!
later
Ok its late but I finally made a decision. I dont know about showing the site to
Carol cuz shes not always great at keeping secrets. I dont mean she tells
everything so dont think that! But she doesnt have brothers and sisters so shes
not used to keeping secrets with anybody. I dont care if she reads the other
things on the main website of course but not my diary cuz its too personal! I wish
there was a way I could show it to anybody who wants to read it online but not
have ppl who know me IRL see it. But I dont know how to do that unless I dont
tell them about the site at all! And I really want to share what I have. I even have
a part about Wicca and Id like my coven to see that. I guess I could post that on
another site too like a public site.
Anyway I definitely want to tell Germana about the site and maybe Ella too. They
both have brothers or sisters so theyre used to keeping secrets! lol Really
Germana is really good at it I think shes even better than me. Theres things that
I know she wants to tell me but she hasnt. She has a lot of secrets! And Ellas
good at it too. But I really have to check with the ppl I know IRL who read it and
see if its ok with them too. I know its ok with Becky she doesnt care. And
Harmony said its ok but they dont know him anyway so it doesnt matter. And its
ok with Mindy. I just have to check with Laura but its too late to call her. I want
ppl to see my site!
Tuesday June 28 2005
Dear Mr BiGgLeS
Daddy still isnt back but at least I know where he is! Hes at Denise and Nolans.
Really thats where I thought he was. Mommy knows now too so shes calling
there like a hundred times a day! And Daddy isnt even there during the day hes
at work! Sometimes Mommy can straight up be a helicopter. Usually shes not.
I have a lot of reading to do in Psychology. I cant believe how much reading I
have to do in only six weeks! Really its not as much as my World History class
was but that class took a whole semester so I had more time.
Oh and I learned all my grades! Here they are:
Dance A
English A
Algebra B+
Chemistry B+
And heres my college grades:
Spanish A
World History A-
So I am definitely an honor student! And a B+ is like the highest grade I ever got
in a math class! So that is totally kewl. I wanted Chemistry to be a little higher
but thats ok. I am not a chemist! I dont know what my GPA is cuz English is an
honors class and that counts higher and I still dont understand how they figure
college grades. Anyway I dont care its good enough to get into college and get
me a scholarship. I hope it is! Ok Im already in college but thats a junior college I
mean like a university. I still dont know where I want to go but I have to decide
soon!
Copyright by Lorien Loveshade
|
Dance A
English A
Algebra B+
Chemistry B+
And heres my college grades:
Spanish A
World History A-