Lorien Loveshade's Secret Teen Diary March 2002

Friday, March 1, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today is Deacon Mikes birthday! I want to write him a poem but I havent even finished Sister Vickys
yet! I got to hurry! I asked JuLeS <3 to tell him I said happy birthday and then Ill see him on Sunday.

Saturday, March 2, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Brandy was really mad today! She actualy asked if she could bring her bf for the weekend in Palm
Springs! Of course Daddy and Mommy said no and then they had a HUGE argument! Brandy stormed
out and said she doesnt need them anyway and shes 18 she can just move out and Daddy said find
good luck in finding somebody who would have u! Mommy was just yelling at everybody. I dont know
whats going to happen Brandy told me before that she was going to move out when she was 18 but I
dont think shes told Mommy and Daddy before.

Nolan was here and we called Darby cuz today is his 7th birthday. Nolan felt really bad cuz hes never
missed one of his b-days. I talked to him on the phone and he was cute. I send him an email card that
was funny. I know Nolan really wants to get his family out here. He comes over to check his email and
hes always so sweet about asking to use the computer. I mean its not even my computer anyway!
I hope Brandy isnt messing things up for herself again. I mean we really dont hang around and
sometimes we dont get along but she is my half sister. And I dont think its good for Mommy to get so
mad when shes pregnant.

Sunday, March 3, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today was a Wow! Day! Thats was Mrs. Hill would call it but Id never tell her about it! :D
First I went to church with Deacon Mike, Sister Vicky, Randy and JuLeS <3 This is funny cuz in
Sunday school Sister Priscilla talked about our bodies being the temple of God. She talks about stuff
like that a lot but today this was a sign!

So then in church Pastor Jay talked about Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman at the well. And get
this the woman had like five husbands and now she was living with some guy. And Jesus who was a
Jewish Rabbi talked to her even though the Jews didnt like the Samaritans cuz of their beliefs. And
this was another sign! I mean today was a day of signs!

So then I got to Jules house for lunch. Sister Vicky fixed us fried chicken, bisquits and salad. I dont
think there was a sign there! lol Friday was Deacon Mikes birthday so I told him I would write him a
poem and I told Sister Vicky I was sorry I hadnt done hers yet. Then Randy said he wanted me to write
him a poem too. Then Jules looks at me kind of funny and says hed like a poem for his birthday too!
And of course I already gave Jules a poem but NO WAY is he going to show his Mom and Dad that I
wrote stuff like "your tongue loose in my mouth"! lol

So I got to go to the funeral home where Deacon Mike works and this is where things happened! It
was just me, Deacon Mike and Jules there. They gave me a tour and I found out how bodies are
prepared and stuff. They have to pump all the blood out and pump in this other stuff! That I didnt
need to know! lol And then this is really wierd but somebody does make up on the dead people! I
mean can u imagine putting lipstick and rouge on a corpse?

So then Deacon Mike got busy checking on something and Jules grabbed my hand and practically
dragged me! And before I knew it we were in this little room. And Jules says "my Dad will be busy he
wont even notice were gone." And I didnt know what he wanted but he said "I go in here all the time he
never comes in here." And then he grabbed me and kissed me! I mean we started kissing a lot and it
was fast and hard! Id kissed Jules before but this was my first real make out session and it was really
exciting! My heart was beating fast! And then when he was kissing me I could feel his hand slowly
sliding from my back to my left side. And Im thinking if his hand moves much futher! And part of me
wanted to say stop but mostly I wanted to say keep moving ur hand! And before I knew it his hand just
brushed the outside of my breast! I was wearing a soft white sweater and my heart was beating a mile
a minute! And we were still kissing but it was like as his hand moved more his tongue moved less. And
then his hand so gently started massaging my breast through my sweater! Oh it was wonderful! Id
never been touched like that before I dont know how to describe but its like his hand was touching my
heart and my soul! And for a second I just wanted to give myself to him totally. I mean I knew I wasnt
ready for it but a part of me was!

But then he moved his hand to my back and stopped kissing me and said "wed better get back before
my Dad notices." And I really didnt want to stop! But I knew we had to. So we kissed once more and
then went back and Deacon Mike was on the telephone I mean he really didnt notice! Oh I should say
I checked my sweater I didnt want any hand prints on it! lol

Oh right before we went back I wanted to say "I love you" to him. I really wanted him to say it to me. I
dont know maybe I am in love with him. I mean Im not sure how do u know for sure?

Its wierd cuz Mortisa told me how death and sex are closely related and that in French orgasm means
"little death." I didnt understand it but I think I do now. I mean here I am in a funeral home and Im
feeling turned on! Wierd! But Wow! ;) <3

So then Deacon Mike and JuLeS take me home. And Jules gives me a nice hug I mean not like he
does when were alone of course! But not as formal as he usually does in front of his Dad which I think
was really sweet! Usually its like he gives everybody a nicer hug than he does me but thats so we
dont get caught! ;)

So then Deacon Mike gives me a hug he always gives me a big hug and I dont know why I did what I
did I think Im going crazy! But its like the last few times he pats me on my lower back right above my
butt. And one time I gave him a kiss on the cheek. So this time when he starts to pat me I jump up to
kiss him on his cheek and his hand pats right on my butt! And then I thought that was STOOPID hell
be mad but he just acted like nothing happened! Im getting worse than Becky! lol

So I told Becky of course and then she says let him touch u inside ur top next time and dont wear a
bra! :| Really its wierd cuz a part of me thought I wish I wasnt wearing a bra but I didnt tell Becky that.
Of course now shell read this and then shell know! lol

Monday, March 4, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

I thought Jules was actually going to kiss me in school! He didnt but he gave me that look!

Oh Becky said Beth wants to come to the slumber party. We still got more ppl to find out about but I
think its going to happen!

Tuesday, March 5, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

We might not be able to go to Palm Springs! Daddy says hes not sure if he can go! And then Brandy
told me if she cant take Les shes moving out and thats definite. And Im like where r u going to live?
And she said dont worry about me Ive got that taken care of. I dont know what shes planning I bet
shes going back to her real Mom and her stepdad. I know this sounds mean but I dont know if Ill miss
her very much. I shouldnt say things like that about ppl and I dont hate her or nothing but its like
sometimes she just doesnt fit in to this family. I know I dont either but I grew up with them so Im stuck!
lol

Oh Mommy and Daddy both voted. I hope the one about clean air and parks wins but I dont know
much about the others and I dont think they really elect the governor until November this one is the
primary.

Wednesday, March 6, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Im going to babysit Randy again on Saturday. That means I can spend the night at Jules! Of course
Deacon Mike and Sister Vicky wont let us do anything and I know Jules wont try anything at home
anyway. But I can always hope! ;)

Ok Ill stop that I sound like a slut! lol But really I dont know if Im in love <3 with Jules or not. I think I am
now but I dont know how to tell. How do u know if ur in love? I mean I think about him all the time and I
get excited everytime I see him and even when I think Im going to see him. And I want to spend LOTS
of time with him a LOT more than I am now! But how do I know if Im in love or not?

later

Daddy went to play poker again and Mommy was complaining about it as usual. I dont think Nolan
went hes saving money to get his family out here.

Thursday, March 7, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Today is Mommy and Daddys <3 anniversary <3! Only 6 days before my b-day! Ok Ill stop talking
about it! lol

There going out to dinner. I was going to send them an email card but they dont use email!
Rachael is definately going to the slumber party. Colleen isnt going and Tiffany isnt sure. So right now
we got Becky, Linda, Beth, Rachael, Kichi and me. We asked Paula and shes not sure either. We can
only have 8 so we cant ask anybody else until we know about Tiffany and Paula. Harmony just sent
me some links for games ideas which is great cuz we need some new games. And Sharon and Tony
sent me some great thoughts about how to tell if Im in love thank u so much but really its still hard to
figure out! lol

Today was Math which means I was in the tutoring group with <3 JuLeS <3 . I think Ill do really bad in
Math this time so I know Ill still be in the group! j/k Dale is really helpful I couldnt do it without him!
Coleen mentioned the slumber party in our group and I think Pamela wants to go! Now I feel bad cuz
we cant invite her unless Tiffany and Paula cant go. I dont know why we can only have 8 but Kay and
Leon said they dont have room for more.

Brandy didnt talk about moving out if she cant go to Palm Springs I guess thats cuz we dont know if
were going or not anyway. I really want to go but I wish I could sneak Jules in my suitcase! ;)

Friday, March 8, 2002

Dear Mr BiGgLeS

Jules is really getting protective of me! I was just talking to Herbie cuz I felt like I was ignoring him and
thats not nice to a friend and Jules came over and wanted me to talk to just him. I think hes worried
cuz he knows Herbie used to like me but thats not true anymore. Jules doesnt need to do it but I think
its sweet he must really like me!

I think maybe hes in love with me but I dont know! Harmony said u should wait 6 months to know if ur
really in love and thats really sweet he gives me good advice but thats a long time to wait!

later

Guess what? This is like bad news and good news. The bad news is JuLeS wont be at his house
Saturday night of course I knew that or they wouldnt need me babysitting then. But the GOOD news is
I get to go with Deacon Mike and Jules to the funeral home again! That means Jules and I can try to
get alone again! <3

So now I have to decide what to wear! I know what Becky thinks! ;)