Lorien Loveshade's Secret Teen Diary February 1 to 8 2002

Friday, Feb. 1, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

Ok I did it. I told Jules Im wiccan. Except I kind of told him in a different way.

I was really nervous. I told him that Im part Native American and I study Native American beliefs. I told
him that I believe theres a female principal and a male principal, that I believe that we can heal ppl in
different ways than just medicine, that we believe in living in harmony with nature. So then he says "R
u trying to tell me ur a witch?" And then I didnt know what to say! So I said "I dont believe in evil or
black magic I think thats evil. We dont have anything to do with that and we dont worship Satan. Its
just we believe in a God and a Goddess." I was afraid when I told him that part and Im like thinking
now hes going to reject me and never talk to me again! It was so hard!

But then he doesnt say anything! And Im like so what do u think? I wanted to be honest with u so
please dont be mad. But he doesnt answer me. And he doesnt say anything for like forever! So then
finally he says "Ill have to think about this." And Im like "how long?" And he doesnt answer for a bit
and then he says "Ill tell u Sunday."

So now I dont know what hes going to say! So I ask "do u mean u still want me to go to church with u
on Sunday?" And he says "Ill tell u Sunday." And Im thinking hows he going to tell me? So then finally
at the end of school he sees me and says "Ill tell u after church Sunday."

So Im going crazy waiting for an answer! And tomorrows Imbolc! :o I couldnt do anything after that. I
told Becky about the whole thing. Becky says hes just stringing u along dump him and Im like Im the
one who told him I got a secret!

Saturday, Feb. 2, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

I called Laura today. Im not supposed to make a bunch of long distance calls but I bought a phone
card with my babysitting money. She says theres nothing I can do but wait. It is so hard to wait! I
wanted to ask Aunt Eva at our ceremony but I was too nervous my stomach hurt so I didnt even go!
And I know she would tell me the same thing.

I even got so desperate I talked to Brandy. She doesnt even know half of whats going on but I told her
theres a boy I like and I told him some things that might make him mad so what do I do? And she says
well if he rejects u then look for another boy. Theres lots of fish in the sea. And Im like theres lots but
not like Jules!

And then Daddys having a friend over tomorrow to watch the Super Bowl and he wants me to watch
too I guess for good luck and Im like I do not feel like sitting watching a football game when my
boyfriend might dump me!

I couldnt do anything today except abuse Mr Biggles. I can always hug him when Im upset well most of
the time. But this time he wasnt even interested. I cant stand waiting!

I even did something STOOPID. I put an ad on computer to meet ppl but its not really stupid cuz I said
I wasnt looking for a bf just friends. I dont know what Im doing!

Sunday, Feb. 3, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

I cant stand it. Todays the day Jules tells me. Its like part of me is glad this day is finally here and part
of me wishes it would never happen!

later

Ok it happened! I went to church and kept looking to Jules to give me a clue if he was going to tell me
Im still his girlfriend or not and he didnt give me a clue! He just acted like he always does when his
rents are around which means he ignored me.

So Im in Sunday school and then church and nothing! Its driving me crazy! So then finally I get alone
with him just for a second and Im waiting for him to say something and hes just talking about other
stuff like nothings going on! So then finally I cant stand it anymore so I ask him so what did u decide?

And then he doesnt say anything at first. Then he says "I know Catholics believe in Mary being the
mother of God which isnt true. And I know u were raised Catholic" which isnt really true I mean I was
baptized there but Ive only been to Catholic church like 3 or 4 times in my whole life. But I say nothing.
So then he says "I guess this Goddess thing could be part of that. I heard Catholics talk about Mary
that way, which isnt true." But then he says "but Catholics are Christians even though there
confused." And Im like still waiting for an answer but I cant wait so I say "and I dont worship Satan at all
none of us believe in black magic Im totally against black magic." And he says "true." So then finally
he says "I guess considering its part of the way u were raised and ur supposed to honor ur father and
ur mother, ok. I guess we can still be boyfriend and girlfriend. But dont talk to me about the Goddess
ever again."

And I get real happy but then I feel shocked. How can I not talk about the Goddess? But then I realize
he said dont talk about her to him so I say "ok." And then he shakes hands with me, like were shaking
on it.

So its really wierd cuz Jules is still my boyfriend and thats what I wanted but somehow it still feels
wierd. But then this is really wierd cuz then he says "lets seal it with a kiss!" And I mean he never
kissed me at church or at his home only one time so Im thinking "wow hes going to kiss me!" but then
he says "not today. Later." And then we dont talk cuz his Mom comes up.

So I still got a boyfriend! So then I go home and Daddy and Nolan and Dan and Lenny and Alonzo
were here. Its wierd cuz Daddy never had a bunch of ppl over but I think it was Nolans idea. Daddy
invited Leon over too but he didnt come but Becky did! So then Daddy said "great I got my two good
luck goddesses!" He said that cuz we were here for the world series and we dressed like goddesses
at Halloween.

Paul McCartney had everybody sing at the beginning which was really cool. I love the Beatles. Becky
does a little but shes not a huge fan like I am. They had Mariah Carey and Yolanda Adams and U2
and a bunch of ppl it was neat.

Daddy was betting on the Patriots to kick the Rams but Mommy didnt know. So it was like we were
gettin worried cuz the Rams were winning and a lot of the guys were rooting on the Rams. Becky was
shameless she kept saying my Daddy should rub her for good luck! I dont know about that girl! lol
She would hug him every time the Patriots scored any points! Then we both started hugging Nolan
and pretty soon were hugging everybody! It was funny!

So when it was near the end of the game Daddy grabbed onto us both right as the Patriots scored a
touchdown at the last minute. We won! Then Daddy went to kiss Becky again only this time I know
Becky kissed him right on the lips! So then he kissed me on the lips too! Beckys got my Daddy
hugging and kissing again I dont know how she did that! lol

Dan and Lenny were upset. Dan said "how could they win they should have lost by 14 points!" I think
he lost money to my Daddy! But then Nolan said "good u can make up some of ur losses" but Daddy
gave him a dirty look so I dont think Mommy was supposed to hear that and she said "what losses?"
Then Daddy said just a couple bucks and they started getting into an argument so me and Becky
went to my room.

Monday, Feb. 4, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

I cant wait for the dance! I think Jules is going to kiss me and I mean a real REAL kiss! He was almost
flirting with me today and he never does that! I mean he winked at me! And then one time he said "u
just wait for the dance!" Im so glad I told him about me being wiccan even though he kind of thinks its
a Catholic thing!

later

Today was Brandys b-day and she is 18! I thought she was 17 before but she kept telling ppl she was
already 18. She had Les over thats her bf. Hes always talking about everything he does is so much
better than anybody else I dont know why Brandy picked him!

I didnt know what to get her I could have written her a poem but she wouldnt care. She always wants
sexy things but I thought it would be wierd if I got her lingerie or something! Anyway so I gave her a
little bear with a heart and angel wings. Its more of a Valentines Day thing but she loves Valentines
Day and I think she really liked it.

Oh she told me before she was moving out as soon as she turned 18 but she didnt say that today and
she hasnt told Mommy or Daddy so I dont know. Also her Mom and her stepdad called and her other
sister Sabrina. Sabrina is her half sister too shes 12. I dont really know any of them very well.

Tuesday, Feb. 5, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

We got to make a big science project and Becky said we should make one about sex! I said I dont
think so but then she said we could do about pregnancy. I thought that was cool cuz my Mom is
pregnant and so is my cousin.

Nolan really misses his family. He and Denise have been together like almost all the time since they
were babies. I hope they come out here soon so he wont feel so lonely.

Wednesday, Feb. 6, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

I cant wait for the dance! Jules has been acting nicer to me at school! I mean its not like were all over
each other or anything but hes not acting like I dont exist! I mean its wierd its like I should have told
him about me a long time ago. I thought hed reject me!

Becky and I are definately going to do a project on pregnancy. Mr Zim is ok with it.

I forgot to say that the guy we might let in the coven couldnt come to the last ceremony so hes going
to come to the next one which I think is Tuesday.

Thursday, Feb. 7, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

Tomorrow is the dance! Beckys not going with a date again she said she likes going by herself better.
But Im going to meet Jules there! <3

Oh this is wierd I found out Lindas dad is a lawyer and my Daddy knows him. Its like my Daddy knows
everybody but he says thats cuz everybody needs a plumber! Her mom is a CPA.

Dale wasnt here today so no tutoring in Math. I think he was sick. A lot of ppl have been getting sick
but not me I dont hardly ever get sick.

Friday, Feb. 8, 2002

Dear Mr Biggles

Tonight is the dance! I cant wait! We kept talking about it in class. Also we got this thing where u can
send a Valentine to someone theres a card and a red heart sucker its going to be really cute. Im
sending one to Jules! <3

I also think Ill send one to Dale cuz we have tutoring on Thursdays and I think Ill send it anonymusly! ;)
Hes a real good tutor plus I think it would be funny him wondering who sent it!

later

The DaNcE! It was all decorated in red, pink and white with streamers and hearts. It was so cool! We
had the same DJ we had before I found out hes Nathans Dad. Hes a great DJ. I got there before Jules
Kay took Becky and I there. I wore this long floral print dress that has lace and an ivory lining. Becky
wore a short pink shirt with flowers and an orange V-neck blouse. Some girls wear pants but Becky
and me like wearing dresses and skirts to dances.

Then I saw JuLeS! He wore black pants, a red shirt and a black tie. He looked really handsome! He
always wears a tie at church even though lots of the guys dont which I think is tight. Were still keeping
us being girlfriend and boyfriend secret of course but a few ppl know. I dance a lot with him. Jules is a
great dancer and Im not just saying that cuz hes my bf. He really is.

Oh guess what? Tiffany is dating Mike! Hes a really good basketball player but I dont know him well.
Oh I did dance with Herbie. Hes always been a good friend. Jules danced with Becky too so I guess
thats fair! lol Oh and I danced one dance with Samuru too. And Becky danced with Linda again like
thats a surprise. They danced twice I think. Sometimes I think Becky just likes making me feel jealous!
:D j/k

Ok but this is the best part! Jules and I left and got alone before we got picked up. I dont know how we
did it but we did! Jules is really clever about hiding things but Im not! lol And then we kind of stood
there for a second, and then he said he really wanted to kiss me. And he did! And it was a peck, but
then he kissed me again, and then we FrEnCh KiSsEd! {|}

It was the first time and it was so romantic cuz we were sneaking it and were all dressed up! I know
some ppl say theyve done lots more than that but Jules is only the second guy I french kissed and the
first was just at a kissing game. So it was really tight! Plus hes my boyfriend so it was like totally
different! It was so cool!