Lorien Loveshade's Secret Teen Diary October 31 2001

Wednesday October 31 2001

Dear Mr Biggles,

Todays the day! I was so excited I even stayed awake thru History! Ok really Im nervous I even
had problem signing in to my site! I used my new email and it didnt work and I had to use my old
one so whats going to happen cuz my old email is getting canceled will I lose my site? I hope not
but I dont know what to do.

Ok Im nervous about tonight. Beckys Mom is taking us there shes knows its a coven but her and
Leon know about it plus its Beckys aunt. Oh and Daddy wants me to be his good luck Goddess
but he knows I cant be here maybe for the very beginning but I got to get ready evne though I
dont know what to wear cuz Aunt Eva says theyll have something for us. So Im like running
around like a chicken with my head cut off! I think I got my lines memorized Becky and I are going
to practice on the way.

Ok the game FINALLY ended. Im writing this on Thursday.

It was so awesome! Me and Becky practiced our responses while Kay took us to Aunt Evas
house. They said her house was closer to the ceremony and it was ok for Becky and I to spend
the night at her house even though we were going to spend it at Beckys which changed some of
my plans but dont ask! :-P

So Kay dropped us off and Aunt Eva acted like it was just a normal visit at first. And I had lots of
questions but I thought I shouldnt ask anything. She showed us her house of course Beckys
seen it lots of times. Theres lots of tree around of course. Inside shes got lots of plants and it
looks very natural. She has lots of American Indian decorations and symbols and some I think
were celtic or Greek Im not sure. She said she doesnt have a computer and she doesnt watch
much TV but she had music playing the whole time. It was mostly natural sounding I dont know
how to say it but it was like mediative I guess. Also she had things from lots of different religions
and she really likes the yin yang symbol (how do u spell that).And of course shes has lots of
herbs but she calls them wort. She has some growing inside and some outside but I didnt see
those. Oh she gave us this bread or cakes she bakes and some tea I forget what kind. It was
different cuz there were like little pieces of leaves in the bottom. I think I had that before I dont
remember. The cakes werent real sweet but I liked them.

So then she tells me to wait and she takes Becky to another part of the house. And Im just
looking around and especially at the books she has lots of books. Oh and cats too! I guess she
likes cats just like me so ud like them Mr. Biggles! lol Anyway so Im just waiting and then Aunt Eva
comes back and Beckys not with her. Then she starts to teach me things. I mean its like lots of
things all at once and I feel like I cant keep up!

Oh she told me I could tell about the things that happened before I took off the blindfold. I didnt
have a blindfold on now Ill tell u about that later. Ok first she said this is a new coven which is why
Im getting in. Shes been teaching Becky for awhile which I already kind of figured out even
though Becky kept it a secret. I didnt know Becky could keep secrets that good even from me but
I guess thats good. She said usually u are taught for a day over a year but Becky has been
teaching me even though I didnt know it! But then it sounded like Becky couldnt really teach me
only someone whose already a priestest or priest can so I figured Id ask about that later. And this
is kind of a dedication and the first level of initiation but Becky already did the dedication. She
also said usually theyd only add one new member at a time but this is an exception. I think its
because she said its a full moon and something else about astrology and I forget!

Oh and she said theres a High Priest too and that any religion that doesnt have male and female
isnt balanced. I told her Im wiccan but was baptised Catholic cuz she asked me and she said the
Catholic church could be balanced because it has Jesus and Mary and monks and nuns but its
not because all Popes are men. I heard there was one who was a woman but Im not sure.

Oh she also said dont worry about anything and that I wouldnt be forced to do anything I didnt
want to and that I could quit at any time before I was fully a member but once I accepted then I
had responsiblties to the others and they to me. Then she went through the steps again. Then
she had sit with my legs crossed and had me focus on breathing and focusing and I got really
relaxed but then I heard a bell I thought it was the doorbell but it was real quiet but I lost it. Ive
done meditation before but sometimes I get distracted. She said thats ok. So she was gone for a
little but not to the front door so I wondered what it was. Then she said come here. So she took
me to the bathroom except it had a toilet and sink but didnt have a bathtub. Then she told me I
had to take a bath in the next room. And I have to leave all my clothes here, everything, and relax
and dont worry about what I will wear. And she says am I comfortable with that and I say yes. And
she says again I can quit anytime before I make my vow. And she said focus on connecting to the
elements and told me what to do and then she left the room. Oh but she told me to ring this bell
when I was finished so then I knew where the bell sound came from it was Becky.

Ok so I had to breath deep and slow and that was the element of air. So I took off all my clothes
and then I went in the room. It was small and had just a bathtub in it but the room had lots of
candles burning. It was all candlelight which she said was the element of fire. And she said the
tub was made from the earth which was earth of course, and the water was of course water. So I
got into the bath and I breathed deeply and slowly. And I had to cleanse myself even though I
already took a shower but I like baths a lot more than showers. The water was really warm and
nice. I didnt use soap or a wash cloth cuz she said I needed to be connected. Oh she said I had
to be bathed totally in firelight, covered by air, contained in the earth or something like that, and
immersed in water so I had to put my head under.

Then I washed myself off and dried off with a white towel. I wasnt supposed to rub hard just dry
myself off by patting and take my time. I had to remember to keep focusing on my breathing and
the elements but my mind kept going all over the place! I was afraid I was messing things up but
Aunt Eva told me before dont worry if your mind wanders just get it back on focus and each time
it wanders just come back.

So when I was dry I was going to ring the bell and then I felt a little nervous. I mean Im standing
there naked and I dont know whats going to happen next! So finally I ring the bell and wait. And
Im not supposed to say anything just relax. And then the door opens just a tiny bit and this white
sheet I thought it was is given to me and Aunt Eva says real calmly "put this on, relax, breath,
focus on the elements, then when you're ready, come out." So I take it and she closes the door.
Then I realize I didnt let the water out of the tub and I dont know if Im supposed to so I just leave
it. So this sheet or robe is white and I try to figure out how to put it on. Then I see its round on the
bottom and its like a big circle with a hole in the middle. So I figure Im supposed to put my head
through the hole cuz that looks like the only way to wear it. So I do and it looks like Im covered
but I think maybe I should put on a bra or panties at least but I remember I said I would wear what
was given me. I could change my mind but I dont want to I feel excited! But Im glad Im not having
my period! So I ring the bell again then I remember Im supposed to just come out but Im not sure
so I wait and feel kind of stupid. Then Aunt Eva says "you may come out whenever your ready"
so I breath some more and then I come out. And Becky already out there and she has on a robe
just like mine. And theres no light now except from candles I think.

So then Aunt Eva asks am I ready and do I want to continue and I say yes. And then she asks me
questions and I dedicate myself with her and Becky. And at first I think this is the initiation but
then she says we're going to leave now. And then she asks Becky do you mind being blindfolded
and she says no and Aunt Eva blindfolds her. Then she asks me and blindfolds me. Then I have
to wait for a little bit then Aunt Eva says are you ready and I say yes and she leads me. And then
she helps me get into a car oh and Aunt Eva told us to focus on breathing and nature and the
elements and dont talk unless we have to. So we ride for a while and I guess it wasnt long but it
seemed long with a blindfold. So then Im told to wait for a while and I think Becky goes. And I just
breath and think and honestly I try to hear whats happening but I cant hear anything but breeze
and nature sounds. Oh and it was hazy but I think it got clear but of course I cant see now! And it
seems like it takes forever.

So then Aunt Eva gets me and I can hear others and I recognize voices so I know its the coven!
So then they get quiet and then they begin the ceremony. And some things happen and I dont
know what cuz I cant see anything. And then I have to say Im dedicated again and repeat some
things. And then I have to answer the Challenge. This is for my courage and they say its better to
fall on the blade than to go with fear. I dont remember it exactly but it was like that. So then I say
"perfect love and perfect trust" which is one of the things I memorized. Then I go thru the Ordeal
which didnt hurt but its like ur being whipped only like I say it doesnt hurt. It just means that u
have to be ready for trouble and problems in ur life and in the coven.

Ok then they say that I can leave now in peace and nothing will be held against me. But if I
choose to take the oath then I can take the oath. But when I take it then Im bound to the others
and they are to me. But I already know Im going to do it. So then I say the oath which I dont know
if Im supposed to write cuz its right before the blindfold comes off but it means that I wont tell any
of the covens secrets not even their names unless they want me to and that I cant keep secrets
from another brother or sister. Except now Im not sure maybe I should tell them about my diary
but Ill find out later.

So then after I say the oath then they take off my blindfold. And Im not sure what I can say about
this part except I take responsibility and the coven are all responsible to me and some neat
things happened but I wont say until Im sure. And Im in! And Becky is too I guess she went first!

Then we had a ceremony for Samhain and it was a full moon and it was a really important time in
the heavens so its neat I got in on this day cuz its a really special day I mean like it hasnt
happened like this for decades!

Oh I found out the High Priest was at the other ceremony too but I didnt know who he was and so
was everybody in my coven yes my coven! Well our coven but Im in it! Oh and I heard somebody
say I was an old soul which I think means Im mature. And Aunt Eva said I know what to do but Im
not sure what she meant.

Its funny too because it was kind of chilly but I didnt even notice until after the ceremony but then
I feel chilly.

So then after we went back to Aunt Evas house and visited and it was a lot of fun. Ive got a great
coven and there all nice. Oh its all females except the High Priest but they say we might be
getting some more male members. And its like we cant let anybody in unless everybody agrees
and even if everyone wants somebody in but I dont then they dont get in! We can have 13
members so theres room for more!

So then finally everybody leaves except some of us and Im not sure what I can say here. But
anyway me and Becky go to bed and were like all excited and cant hardly sleep so we say its a
good thing we dont have to go to school! And we talk about the coven and things we want to do
and then Paula. And I think I havent even talked to Paula in a while and I got to call her. So finally
I go to sleep.



			OcToBeR 31 2001
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